Cosmic H

I like my whiskey neat, my coffee black, and my flakes frosted.

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

we can, should, and will fist fight Doug Ducey in an Albertsons parking lot

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

remember that time Playstation took 4 months to pay me ha ha ha so cool 🙃

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

realized my last tweet won’t show up in the Mario discussion. to reiterate, I would love it if CHRIS PRATT fell down a REAL SEWER PIPE and was never seen again.

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

would love it if crisp rat fell down a real sewer pipe and was never seen again

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

when someone doesn’t text me back I just like fall into a pit of despair for no reason. bitch who cares talk to someone else or something fuck

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

whenever I see “everyday makeup” tutorials i’m like. bestie you really do all this shit every day……. i’m so sorry…….

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

onions my beloved

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

calling someone “girl” is gender neutral if the person saying it isn’t straight

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

modern couponing is stealing things from Target

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

message in a bottle washes up on shore that just says “u up?”

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

drinking tap water is why i’m so muscular and sexy

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

why are people with bios like “spread love everyday ✨” always the most toxic mfs around 🙃

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

I have to be the most fuckable person at the highway rest stop

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

I go absolutely feral when I turn on my car and Ed Sheeran is playing on the radio. the fucking audacity. you should need my express written consent before making me listen to this shit

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

shoutout to me for aging like a fine wine. 18 yr old me would think current me is the hottest bitch alive and she would be correct

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

I showed up to a date last night holding the giant first place glass boot I’d won right before at my volleyball championships. fucking power play. 🏆

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

I hate when guys’ dating profiles say “I promise I can make you laugh” like ✋🏻 Stop right there…. I Am Funnier Than You

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

me after the exposition of every single episode of Golden Girls: Wow…. I bet we’re gonna learn something important today.

[Limited Run Games @LimitedRunGames]

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[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

my friend was berating me for not knowing the last name of a booty call and I’m like….. what am I, their drivers license

[Cosmic H @YellowBikeGang]

I have a spot I take dates even though it’s apparently bad luck. I’ve never gotten another date after going there but to me, tasty pho is more important than a second date.