Emily

I’m not like a regular mom, I’m an idiot

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Also the zojirushi kettle that holds water just below boiling indefinitely so you can have a hot drink any time you like. It’s changed my entire life and now I look with disdain upon the kettle-boiling, cold-water-drinking populous

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

The nation of Japan has given the world so much. A truly staggering number of inventions, improvements, innovations. And the one that has had the greatest impact on my life is undoubtedly eating salad with chopsticks

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Kids are so wild. My kid will not accept that it’s not Tuesday today no matter how many ways I try to explain it, but then I tell her she can’t have ramen for lunch because if you eat ramen two days in a row you go crazy and she’s like “checks out, proceed”

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Thought they just made these up for the creek episode of Bluey

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

I’m tired & hormonal but I sincerely hope his life partner someday also has kind eyes, a gentle smile, and a soft warm embrace for my little guy 🥺😭

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

My little one year old son has never shown any interest in a stuffed animal before but today he carried one around the store kissing it and I have to say I think this bodes well bc evidently the man was just waiting for the right one to come along. He’s got good taste.

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

I might do one of those cleanses bc I think I might actually have a parasite. A parasitic worm that lives in my brain and tells me to stay up til midnight every day

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

@britwould I am so sorry for tweeting this

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Brought my four year old to see this in theatres as her first ever real theatre movie— wild to say she saw the best first & it will all be downhill from here 😂 it was that good though!

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Director Joel Crawford calls this “one of the fun sequences that really came to life” in ‘PUSS IN BOOTS THE LAST WISH’

“Every hit of the swords, every jump that his boots do, everything is in sync with the music...”

Find out more: https://t.co/qLSsEd3wxl https://t.co/03k0ERh3Wf

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

@britwould If they ask, simply let them know slayyyyy mama she’s giving pussy boots on gawd 😍😍😍😍

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

@That1teddygirl You can make obstacle courses in your house like climb over the couch jump on the mini trampoline ten times spin around then crawl under the table etc etc as long & complicated as you can then you sit on the couch and time them. Gets them tired & you get to sit for a long time 😅

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

One simple way to spice up your life: instead of making friends, start deciding on some enemies. Anywhere I regularly go I have an enemy. There’s one cashier at the drugstore near my place who is my enemy and I love when she’s my cashier. It adds so much zest to my day

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Typically these threads are not worth the read & honestly a bit cringe, but this one is surprisingly wise in my opinion

[Harrison Schenck @FractionalList]

20 life lessons every father must teach his son:

THREAD

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

@8bitMusicTheory They call him the Admiral cuz his head is

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Like yes I do but your assumption that I would is actually discrimination so maybe look inwards Arjun????

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Got the oil changed in my car today and I didn’t even get a little treat as a reward. Women posting their Ls type shit

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

Also I must look kind of stupid because the guy asked me to pop the hood and then without waiting for me to do it went “do you need me to help you do that ma’am”

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

If your friends are starting to have kids and you want to help but you don’t know what to do, here’s one easy thing: go to them. Yes, every time. Don’t make them pack up however many kids and all their crap in between naps to go somewhere not childproofed… just come to them ❤️

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

I think 2023 will be the year the clean eating girlies discover shakshuka

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

How many times a day do I have to wipe this island bc my stupid cat won’t stay off of it

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

He is Thinking about @PatBartMusic

[Emily @Youlookpretty]

At least once a day my 18 month old follows me around saying “SAX???? SAX???” In his little baby voice until I put on a jazz record for him. The man is relentless in a way I had never dared dream 😭❤️