Your Anonymous Friend

I am your friend, I want it rant about my friends and loved ones anonymously. Am I ranting about you? Maybe I am....?

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

And whilst we're at it, keep the fuck still. I'm trying to drink a fucking brew in peace and you're fucking break dancing in the duvet next to me, I'm gonna spill this bastard cuppa and I'm gonna direct it at you if I do. Silly cunt. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

So much fucking bullshit from my other half today. What a cunt you've been. Patronising, miserable twat. You need to get a fucking grip and stop being a dickhead, I won't put up with it forever. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

I don't suffer cunts, if we used to talk and now we don't, then you're a cunt. If we still talk, then you're not a cunt. Simple as that. Nice life lesson in there too, don't be a cunt. Might get that tattooed on my neck 🤔. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@jameswaller11 @TrendySlug @greg10kelly @sizeofficial With the gammon on his fucking disgusting feet it'd be one hell of a ham pizza #hobbitfeet #puregammon

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

You absolute creature! Who eats chips with jam on them?!?! I'm outraged, disgusted, yet intrigued at the same time. I'm not going to try it, obviously, but I just wonder about how you discovered that combo? You're fucking weird. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

I don't know why you have to be such a fucking arsehole sometimes? We have a perfectly nice evening and then you behave like that? WTF, why do I even bother. Just unnecessary, you're a cunt sometimes. Fuck you

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

I'd forgotten how good this was, how nice it was to put into writing how much people fuck me off. Even if nobody reads it, it's out there. It's been said. Why do I know so many arseholes? What does that say about me? 🤔

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

Don't moan that you can't run your salon business because we're in lockdown, don't moan that the government isn't supporting you because you're self employed as a beautician IF YOU'RE HAVING FUCKING HOUSE PARTIES WITH YOUR MATES 3 TIMES A WEEK! Infuriating, selfish dick weasel

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

The number between seven and nine is eight. E I G H T. There is no N in eight. Stop saying eighnt, it sounds like you're saying aint. Eighnt aint a number you absolute melt. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

I've been away. I've been busy. It doesn't mean that I haven't been wound up by people's shithousery, I just haven't been able to vent it. But I'm back, and I've got a lot to get off my chest. Standby

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@TrendySlug @higgins_jc @yorkshirelive @piersmorgan @AaaDee9 @GMB I have bin tested, and it was negative at the time of testing. So, not my results. 1p please

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@jameswaller11 @TrendySlug And he'll boast about it, insufferable truncheon 😡

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

To the friend that consistently gets phrases wrong, STOP SAYING "NIP IT IN THE BUTT"!! The phrase is 'nip it in the bud'! It's an idiom, from a horticultural perspective a flower that's nipped in the bud will not blossom, a metaphor for dealing with issues early. Moron. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@TrendySlug @jameswaller11 Why would you even think to season a slug? I literally cannot think of anything worst than a salty slug

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

Another thing that really fucks me off is when people say stuff like "OMG, Avocado gives me life right now".... Get. Yourself. Fucked. No it doesn't. Air gives you life. Avocado gives you heartburn. Stop talking like a fucking chav you self-obsessed waste of fucking skin. yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@TrendySlug @jameswaller11 I dislike Slugs. See my other tweets

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

Here's a list of 10 things I don't like.

1. People
2. Public toilets
3. Slugs
4. Budget airlines
5. Orange (colour)
6. B.O
7. Fruit that requires preparation before you can eat it
8. Double sided sticky tape
9. Popcorn
10. The light on my dashboard that tells me to change gear

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

@Ben_Oldroyd He's a fucking 1st class weapon. What an absolute shithouse

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

Secondly, the friend that sticks their fucking nose into everything. Keep out of conversations that don't involve you, if you were needed in the conversation you'd have been included in it from the outset. You can't help, you offer nothing, so shut the fuck up you wart. Done! yaf

[Your Anonymous Friend @YourAnonymousF3]

Firstly, the friend that said 'Stop the world, I want to get off'... That phrase really fucks me off. What fucks me off more is that I can't stop the world for you, if I could, I'd happily see you off into the vacuum of space. You get your wish and I get to watch you suffocate...