Your Grand-Mother

I spend most of my days at the seeing window in the Happy Valley sheltered housing complex. It smells of wee.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Dear fans
https://t.co/psDcesmUGZ

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Today is #PearlHarborRemembranceDay #PearlHarbor #PearlHarbour
Let's not forget how terrible it was...and how bad Ben Affleck was in it.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Carlos thinks he's funny going around all the old dears in the unit who wear a diaper shouting in "Goood Morning Wet Naaaan!"

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I wish selfies were like cigarettes. You have to be 18 to do them. Oh, and they give you cancer.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons.
I won't try religion for bacon reasons.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Red sky in the Morning,
Don't remember the Warning!

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I opened a yoghurt pot and inside the lid it said "Unlucky This Time. Please Try Again" but I couldn't find another lid.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Clones are people two.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Korean meatballs are the dogs bollox.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

If meat is murder, quorn must be wasting police time.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Insane Bolt.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I was going to go to the Museum of Psychedelia today, but it's a bit far out.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I am important and a customer service advisor will be with me shortly.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

I'm excited because I found out some of my calls ARE being used for training purposes.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Why do we call it 'taking a dump'?
Should it not be 'leaving' a dump?

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

My friend who lives in Lourdes is very ill, but she doesn't know where to go to get better.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Sometimes I use phrases that I don't understand and vice versa.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Theresa May has made Britain's security as secure as a hymen at a south London school.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

Does anyone know when the #EUreferendum is? I've not seen anything on the news about it.

[Your Grand-Mother @Your_Gran]

@AndrewinFrance Good you you dear xx