As we all gather with our families this holiday season, I wanted to share some lessons on parenting and how to raise resilient kids now that Amy and I are through the wind tunnel of adolescence. None of us get a handbook and none of us get the secret combination to the lock. It’s more hit and miss. The journey of raising young adults is meaningful, hilarious, maddening and deeply rewarding.
#1 Meals Matter
We ate together—four nights a week, no phones, no screens. Shabbat dinner was sacred. That taught our kids they mattered most.
#2 Presence Beats “Quality Time”
Don’t walk through the front door on the phone. Be present when you enter, put phones down, and sit in their room as they study. Create the one-on-one time that matters.
#3 Love Them Loudly — and set high expectations
As my pediatrician father said, no child is spoilt by being told they are loved. Love and high expectations go hand In hand.
#4 Nurture Curiosity
Books, art, culture, parks, and music engage a child and their interests. A child spends 20% of the time in classrooms, and 80% out. If you want the time in class to succeed, parents need to invest in the other 80%.
Kids will roll their eyes, bury themselves in their phones, and resent half of what you do and say as a parent. Through this try to remember you’re raising adults, not seeking their friendship.
Remember, even when it looks like they are not listening, they are still watching.
Here’s to a happy, healthy new year — and to parenting with love, purpose, and a method to all the madness. Good luck.
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