Zach VanCleave

Meeseeks is my spirit animal

[Rain @Rain311X]

having a normal sleep schedule, truly a fate worse than death

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Small blinking light in dark room when looking at it: not bright at all

Same light in peripheral vision: I'm being flash-banged endlessly

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@discord Undercooked

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

If I could have any super power it'd be the ability to duplicate myself, just so I can combat my ADHD. I need to clean the bathroom? Instead of getting sidetracked 20 different ways on the way, just duplicate myself and have them do every task I come up with on the way there.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@BryDollaSign Even all white new-balance? My father will be devastated.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Mulan (1998), but instead of Mulan it's Mr. Ping from Kung Fu Panda. I woke up from this dream in a cold sweat muttering, "oh no, they found out he was a duck".

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

I'm convinced that no matter the size of a pizza, if you cut it into less pieces you can eat the whole thing.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@WolfeXCIX Okay, but the saying is actually jack of all trades, master of none, better still than a master of one, so like... there's that now....

[WolfeXP🐺🪓 @Wolfe_XP]

I wrote a midseason NFL article this week, and I boil the entire league down to 9 true Super Bowl contenders.
https://t.co/xDQwUjYDZD

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Nothing makes me feel richer than when I have enough money in my account to be allowed to pay at the pump.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

I had a dream that my upper torso was surgically replaced with that of someone with at least the power of a United States Governer.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

The best water you'll ever drink is the water that rolls down your face during a shower.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Mother: can you grab the laundry basket for me?
Me: what do I look like to you?
Mother: you look like a son that's willing to help
Me: I'm not, I'm neither of those things, I'm a daughter thats willing to hurt

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Walmart customer service really be dead inside, I just phrased, "I'd like to do a return" as, "hey is it okay if I sell this back to you guys" and she said nothing. My heart goes out to her firstborn child.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

The permanent license plate for my car finally came, how does it look?

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Just shouted "I love you unconditionally" to a dog I saw while getting gas. The owner told me he loves me back. This dog and I are getting married.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

Contact lenses - day one review: being able to see and wear a mask without fogging up your glasses is pretty cool, less so a fan of the 6 times I woke up in a panic from dreams where I could see clearly without glasses because I was worried I'd left them in (I didn't).

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@browardshawty *can't say good morning back because I already have the one girl I'm allowed to talk to*

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@WolfeXCIX Wish i didn't have to warp my spine into the shape of the letter q to do it.

[Zach VanCleave @ZachShiny]

@dannygonzalez He really is spooky all year round