Zach Valencia

And on the sixth day God said Fuck it, we’ll do it live...now we’re here.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Not everything that was funny in middle school is funny now. Like yelling “present” when your name is called, it doesn’t hit as hard at the abortion clinic.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Remember that when you tell your republican uncle that he will die alone and his kids don’t love him at dinner because he said he’s voting for Trump, you didn’t do it for you, you did it for the greater good, you are a hero.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Fuck your money @GEICO

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

@GEICO if Johnny Walker doesn’t win today you are not getting paid this month.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

@GEICO if Johnny Walker doesn’t win today you are not getting paid this month.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

When I’m at Whole Foods I am both Robinhood and the poor that Robin Hood steals for.

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Japanese man spent a reported 2,000,000 Japanese Yen on his border collie fursuit

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

ANNOUNCEMENT!!
Proud to say after 4 at fault collisions, 3 license suspensions, 4 driver retraining classes, and over 10 hours spent on DMV customer service, I am no longer a free agent and have been picked up by @GEICO insurance. Thank you all for the support.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

@elonmusk is being a horrible driver a feature built into the Tesla? Or does that attitude come after you buy it?

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

@elonmusk is being a horrendous driver a feature included in the Tesla? Or does that develop after you but it?

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Unpopular Opinion:
The new AI Drake song does not show how impressive AI is, it shows how unimpressive Drake is.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

They woulda blended in at a Waffle House

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Virginia inmates use toothbrush to dig tunnel out of jail and head to IHOP where they were found and arrested.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

“Bro Rome wasn’t built in a day”
It also didn’t fall in a day, so maybe your just slowly crumbling.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Me: Can I get a Mexican coke with that?
Cashier: It was bottled in America, asshole.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Me in church tomorrow after seeing this picture.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Lightning struck Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro on February 10, 2023

[more📷by Fernando Braga: https://t.co/xSDfq7x5Z3]

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

What they say is 10 miles west of boston versus what actually is…

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Nothing ruins drunk driving more than seeing a ribbon tied to a tree.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

Ray Rice after getting the script for the 2014 season.

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

Former NFL player arian foster admits NFL is literaly rigged

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

I’m not living paycheck to paycheck, I’m living one accumulated PTO day to the next.

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

How we should ALL be spending our snow day!

[Zach Valencia @ZachValencia7]

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled is convincing the world Panera Bread is worth the money.