Zack Harold

freelance writer and @inappalachia reporter specializing in "stupid hot dog stories.” recovering magazine editor. my 9-5 does not endorse my tweets. he/him

[Stone Cold Steven Universe @Bolt_451]

Reject John Mulaney
Embrace James Acaster

[Josiah Hawthorne @JosiahHawthorne]

The accounts with John Calvin as their avatar are... beyond parody.

[Zack Harold @ZackHarold]

real convo between me and the wife

her - "whatever happened to macy gray?"
me - "she died."
h - "what?"
m - "yeah. asphyxiation and blunt force trauma."
h - "WHAT?!"
m - "yeah. she tried to say goodbye and she choked. tried to walk away and she stumbled."

i am now divorced