Zero Headspace

LIVE Sketch Comedy!
In Downtown Raleigh!
For Mature Audiences!

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Ever take a few days to get healthy just so you can start drinking heavily again?

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

If I'm gonna die of cancer I might as well hurry up and read all these books, so at least I'll have something to talk about whe-- Oh, right.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

It doesn't count as drunk if no one's there to laugh at you. #TheIcemanCometh

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Oh, the South. I keep being from you, and you just keep being yourself.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Great news, the scan came out clear! We'll just do some quick follow-up SPECT-CT imaging of the bone lesions we found and you'll be all set!

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

People need to stop whining about traditional witch dunking. It's a simple test, y'all. If you're not a witch, then why are you so worried?

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Fuuuuuuuuck! Do you (a) Strongly Agree, (b) Somewhat Agree, (c) Neither Agree Nor Disagree, (d) Somewhat Disagree, or (e) Strongly Disagree?

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

I liked the whole @realDonaldTrump thing better when it happened on #BlackMirror.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Workers, today is May Day! Five fingers make a fist! This message of militance and solidarity has been brought to you by @GoldmanSachs.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

They were born recently. #KidsTodayin4Words

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Drop the day.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

God has a plan for us all. What happens is there are wars and atrocities and natural disasters and eventually we all die and then nothing.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Man walks into a bar. The bartender is his exact double. Man stops, falls down, weeps. Bartender says what'll you have? Man says the regular

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

What do I do? Nothing. Well, I take care of my kid and clean the house and think about the void a lot, but I don't have, like, a *job* job.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

@FlackInTheCity By 2024 the audience will just use water balloons and air horns.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

First afternoon nap in ages. I'd forgotten what it's like to have a sweat-soaked nightmare in the middle of the day.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

That and all political debates should take place in a silent empty room. #DemDebate https://t.co/PAqoCTnCsd

[Kimberly A. Woodard @BeingKimmieToo]

What did we learn last night about either candidate that we didn't already know? Seriously? Nothing.
#DemDebate https://t.co/gOJQW7LSW1

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Saying @BernieSanders is unqualified to be POTUS is like saying a nutritionist is unqualified to run McDonalds. Technically true, and yet...

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

I'll almost be sad when @realDonaldTrump goes back to just being a joke about hair.

[Zero Headspace @ZeroHeadspace]

Believe you're halfway there and you can take the rest of day off. https://t.co/kZZWwzwHJL