Zoë McCook

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@rejectedjokes are you positive you didn’t blackout and record this children’s alphabet rap? https://t.co/qkPJz5Ue7q

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

You know how tennis elbow is a thing? I have ‘election thumb’ from constantly refreshing...

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

I took this yesterday but it’s still applicable today

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@marinamisc A movie where Pete Davidson goes to an evil island that can’t spell called The King of Saten Island

[Dr. Sanjay Gupta @drsanjaygupta]

April 27 was the last time there was a White House coronavirus task force briefing, leaving us with more than a month without regular updates from the group Vice President Mike Pence was tapped to lead. (1/24)

[Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins]

If you like joke replies to sincere questions and sincere replies to joke questions, have I got a website you’re already on right now

[Martin Luther King III @OfficialMLK3]

As my father explained during his lifetime, a riot is the language of the unheard.

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

This is clearly the montage part of the film so why hasn’t it sped up yet?

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@Instacart I know you are dealing with a LOT right now but replacing my request for 2 lbs of shrimp with 2 shrimps is...honestly hilarious.

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@thatsso_rachael Jam.

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

Big proponent of dessert during the day. Why must I hide my sugar ingestion in the dark? Instead I can shamefully inhale it standing up in the kitchen between meetings

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@skatzhyman Honestly I am getting worse body pimples now than I ever did as a teenager. I wish it came with the same metabolism and blind optimism I had as a teen...

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

We should’ve been on our honeymoon in Japan this week (interviewed about it at Middleditch & Schwartz SF show). Instead we are sheltering in place (grateful for our health) and watching #SonicMovie for some joy. Thanks @rejectedjokes for double laughs!

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

I formally request that the Lord of the Rings cast come together for a live read. One scene, a movie, all three, any of those options will work.

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@ricky_rampage25 She terrifies me

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

So how do I access the puzzle black market?

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@VanessaGregson @skatzhyman Plus one particularly for pineapple: dole whip, regular cold or room temp pinapple, grilled pinapple

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

@RadarCowboy I said “happy quarantine” today

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

My dad just said “I’m going to make like a leaf”

[Zoë McCook @ZoeAnneN]

How are people in movies able to wake up from a coma and QUICKY RIP IVs OUT OF THEIR ARMS WITHOUT ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING THE NEEDLE INTO THEIR VEINS AND SCREAMING IN AGONY?