Zoey Haar

Friendly & cooperative. Good with kids. Free to a good home.

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Having a quarter life crisis. Should I adopt a highway?

[Huge Ma @turbovax]

Update: TURBOVAX IS VACCINATED

https://t.co/VU3eA7gJ16

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

ISO: Copywriter/meme-er

Description: Looking for someone to help me write a good tweet in the format of a viral meme. MUST BE FUNNY.

Budget: $1400

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Me, receiving a movie rec: wow, im glad we have a mutual understanding that the streaming wars created an impossible pressure to see everything and I will likely not watch that movie for months, if ever.

Giving a move rec: they will watch this movie Tonight. :)

[Chris Wade @saywhatagain]

Four years ago, I started saving the best of the incredibly bizarre, stupid and bad vibes photos being rapidly produced by the Trump administration to cathartically post today. Here is my Surreal Trump Photo Dump

[Brian Tyler Cohen @briantylercohen]

Make this man the host of Meet the Press.

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Who's the person in your friend group obsessively texting every time something changes even a little bit? For me it's me.

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Brb doing 6+11=17 over and over again in my head until the end of the election or I die, whichever comes first

[Jake Schaeffer @jschxyz]

Love this for him

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Have literally never thought this much about Wisconsin in my life

[Sarah Cooper @sarahcpr]

The NYTimes election results tracker needs to have a PTSD warning

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

@chunkbardey Our precinct is seeing an unprecedented number of voters who want to know when the library will be open. Our poll site is in the library. Winds of change 💜 (the library is closed indefinitely due to COVID)

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Message to his doctors: your mental health is important ✨ 🌸take off as much time as you need 💖

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Is there an account that just tweets out whether the president is dead or not every 5-10 minutes? That’s all I need

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Well, this seems pretty clear.

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

I get the allure of a quirky suffix to identify politically significant snafus but we simply cannot call everything a gate

[shelby wolstein @ShelbyWolstein]

when my doctor asks me to rate my pain 1-10 and i get a little insecure:

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

Wild that the theme of this year is “other individuals pose a real and present danger to you and always have”

[Zoey Haar @ZoeyHaar]

why does every shower have a different personality