‏ً

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͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

[‏ً @_627726]

"___ can't last forever"

it's only been a year

[‏ً @_627726]

four years of me wanting to blow my fucking brains out consistently holy fuck

[‏ً @_627726]

you want me to talk about things but get overwhelmed when i do. i can never do anything right

[‏ً @_627726]

i'm about to lose my mind. why can't i be in the loop ? why are you incognito even ? especially when your reasoning was connected to !that! at some degree ? i don't know. this and the flight and the day spent. it's building up on me. and i hate when it builds up on me.

[‏ً @_627726]

consistent physical closeness isn't something that i need. it has never been like that for me. what i want is independence. what i want is a foundation. a home that's mine and maybe yours. it can be small, it can be cheap.

[‏ً @_627726]

"all the things that popped in your head when i said that. i know there's a lot."

:/ just one

[‏ً @_627726]

@s4torousgf be careful soldier

[‏ً @_627726]

my beautiful baby. my healthy dog. smelly melly. piss baby melon. i'm so sorry.

[‏ً @_627726]

my prophesied puppy. you were loved so intensely, long before we met and long after you'll depart. there is so much that we couldn't experience together, so much that we were supposed to do. i'm sorry that things aren't the way i would've preferred. i hope you lived happily.

[‏ً @_627726]

i hate seeing you refuse food. i lose my own appetite thinking of how you lack yours. i wish it was just a sprain. i wish you came home well. i don't want to bury you. i don't want to burn you either. i wish i could start over. i'd relive it all for you.

[‏ً @_627726]

i'm just so lonely, and i truthfully want to hang out with my boyfriend more than once a week and i want melon to be healthy and atop of that i want local friends

[‏ً @_627726]

@cabinofsun EX NOW ?

[‏ً @_627726]

july and august, you have been the worst.

[‏ً @_627726]

i very selfishly wish william would stay with me the day before he leaves on a week long trip, especially with the melon news.

[‏ً @_627726]

i want to throw up

[‏ً @_627726]

AND WORK SUCKS SO FUCKING MYCH THIS MONTH AND I AM TRYING SO HARD FOR THUG IT OUT BUT I REALLY FEEL SO BAD ABOUT FUCKING EVERYTHING

[‏ً @_627726]

there's just this feeling in my stomach saying it's over and i think of you and i want to throw up all the time all day long

[‏ً @_627726]

i selfishly wish you delayed it though. why now ???? why now when we have no other fucking way of connection ????? i think i think i think i think you don't like me anymore and i think bringing it up worsens things and i want to be normal about it all and i want to be good FUCK