MarkusGriffin 🌺

put this on a zip disc, send it to your lawyer, file me under funky

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the human has been working from home the last couple days. and every so often. they let me participate in the video calls. all the other humans cheer when they see me. i am the only thing holding their company together

[The Church Of Satan @ChurchofSatan]

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

[Satan @s8n]

Wake your loser ass up it’s time to sin

[Darren Rovell @darrenrovell]

A reddit user found a correlation between James Harden’s lack of performance on the road and the quality of strips clubs in that city....

[Mickstape @MickstapeShow]

“Kobe!” - helicopter pilot

[Satan @s8n]

We got sex, drugs, and rock n roll down here. what more could u possibly want?

[It's Always Sunny @alwayssunny]

Reply to this tweet with "I would like to see Thundergun's dong" if you would like to see Thundergun's dong. #SunnyFXX

[Penguins Jesus @PenguinsJesus]

hockey is the best sport, and honestly it’s not even close

[WVU Barstool @WVUBarstool]

I could watch this everyday for the rest of my life https://t.co/lYDttPfz3H

[KFC @KFCBarstool]

Vaccinate your kids so they A) don’t die and b) don’t have to get yanked out of school. Easy peasy.

[The Church Of Satan @ChurchofSatan]

This isn’t the Middle Ages. Catholics don’t “put people away” anymore. Besides they are too busy covering for and protecting child rapists these days.

[The Smoking Musket @smokingmusket]

man this reminds me of the time that skyler howard beat patrick mahomes 48-17

[Pat McAfee @PatMcAfeeShow]

Was an absolute honor to swing the hammer in Lucas Oil Stadium today.. Let’s. Goooo.

[XFL 🏉 @realXFLfootball]

Once again, we are NOT interested in signing Antonio Brown.

We don’t need that shit. #XFL2020

[Penguins Jesus @PenguinsJesus]

things that have happened since jack johnson arrived in pittsburgh:

-penguins swept in first round
-phil kessel traded
-pirates implosion intensifies
-ben roethlisberger out for season
-mon wharf flooded again

how long until we can agree this is not merely coincidence?

[Pat McAfee @PatMcAfeeShow]

People forget I was an emergency QB in the NFL and slotted above @Hasselbeck on the depth chart 👀

[The Church Of Satan @ChurchofSatan]

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
- Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

[Satan @s8n]

Vaccinate
Your
Fucking
Kids