Jeff Charlesworth

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Still 0-for-life in the "Handshake, Hug or Fist Bump" Greeting Guessing Game.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Avs fans: "We got Mittelstadt and Walker!"
Knights fans: "We got Mantha and Hanifin!"
Panthers fans" We got Tarasenko!"
#Leafsforever fans:

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

@KeeganMatheson Narrator: There wasn't

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

To the people pushing the elevator up button even though it has clearly already been pressed: thank you for your service.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Does anyone know when the new Star Wars is coming out? I feel like I should have heard something by now.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

@MelissaLeePR Melissa, you are a social media dynamo. What is your advice for someone just starting out in this crazy digital world?

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

@TheRealDanielF hate hate hate hate https://t.co/TeosnIhRx2

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

White people LOVE jogging.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

People who linger at the register after their transaction's done, organizing their purse/checking their phone, are worse than serial killers

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Youre not fooling anyone, unicyclists. Just run down the street screaming "Look at me. I'm different!" Itll save us dodging your wobbly ass.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Do not try to keep up with Andre 3000 on "Bombs Over Baghdad" because the girls on this bus will laugh at you.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Ladies, skinny jeans are doing some of you a great disservice. Please consult a mirror or ask someone who wont care if they hurt ur feelings

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Dear ppl I havent seen in years. If u see me on the street, just keep walking then email me ur resume. Itll save us a 1/2 hr of awkwardness.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

I could never love a woman that wears birkenstocks. I'm sorry. I just made that decision right now, but I'll stick by it.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Sometimes I get so caught up in how to put out a fire, I never think to check if there was even a fire in the first place.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

If I drop some kick-ass sarcasm, but the person doesn't get it, does that mean I was being genuine?

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Lobcoon = an idiot that doesn't put sunscreen on his face AND wears his sunglasses all day = me

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

Don't hand me a co-worker's birthday card before noon. No chance I write a coherent message at 9am, just be thankful I'm wearing pants.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

The inevitable end of humanity: someone will Live Tweet a meeting of the Resistance, and SkyNet will nuke the whole fucking building.

[Jeff Charlesworth @_J_C]

"Good Listener" = Someone who doesn't interject their own anecdote into what you're saying