Michael Roberts

Don't let your heart be troubled, believe in God.

[Michael Roberts @_MikeyMcfly_]

"Even if the world ends today, I just want to fish."

[Michael Roberts @_MikeyMcfly_]

@_willcompton s

[Michael Roberts @_MikeyMcfly_]

@smith_baiad @___hash___ Hard to pick an MVP from the last place team

[Chris Pratt @prattprattpratt]

That’s it!!! @christinecaine ! She said it better than I did on @StephenAtHome 🙏♥️ thank you!! I wanted to credit her with this great quote.

[♥️KassidyVankirk♥️ @VankirkKassidy]

Essential oil diffusers are just mom juuls

[Dr. Erin Haacker @HydroHaacker]

Boomers: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

GenX: When life hands you lemons, create a startup to market lemon juice as a healthy, low-carb alternative to lemonade.

Millennials: Hahahaha, as if life would ever just *hand you* lemons

[jay @fatherjstn]

Everyday Twitter shows me that we all be living the same lives.

[🌻 @oyerooh]

start this year with an empty jar. each week add a note with a good thing that happened. on new year's eve empty the jar and read about the amazing year you had.

[єяıṅ @Erinie_DaBest]

So last night I met the human form of Siri😂😂😂

[B-laine @blaine_bow]

*food is taking forever to come out*

Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it

“Did they have to go kill the cow or what?”

[Kate Brauning @KateBrauning]

By age 30 you should have:

$3 in savings
$5,000 in credit card debt
Existential dread
A favorite spoon
One half-dead plant you feel really bad about because your mom keeps asking for grandkids but you’re not ready and you thought this basil plant would be a good place to start

[Shayne Topp @supershayne]

You’re all my favorite pizza place.

[John Popović 💙⚽️🇭🇷 @jmpopovich72]

BREAKING: Guy Fieri re-elected as Mayor of Flavortown.

[bobby @bobby]

chipotle guy: i didn't charge you for the guac.

me: oh cool thanks man.

chipotle guy: no i'm saying i need your card back.

me:

chipotle guy: so i can charge you.

me:

chipotle guy: for the guac.