Oliver Benezra

How’d we all meet anyway?

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

The dirtiest cup in every household is the poor son of a bitch chosen to hold the toothbrushes.

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

A McDonald’s in Illinois just denied me a sausage egg McMuffin because it was “after” “10:30” can someone tell me if this is legal

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

"I don't think our Christmas tree will survive much longer in those rocks." - My mother on May 2nd

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

When making caccio e pepe it’s important to ask yourself, “How do I make this taste as much like Annie’s white cheddar as possible?”

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

Pretty cool how clorox wipes are the answer to everything.

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

My dream last night was just me in a bathroom popping bubble wrap #whatdoesthismean

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

My go-to setting on my dryer is “optimum dry” because the definition of “optimum” is literally “best” and why would I or anyone else need their clothes to be anything other than the best form of dry? Like who would wash their clothes and then say “Nah, just a quick fluff today.”

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

Pretty crazy how “I’m on my phone” and “I’m on the phone” are very similar sentences but imply vastly different levels of urgency.

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

I dare you to try and find a cereal more underrated than non-cinnamon Life.

[Lisa Desjardins @LisaDNews]

NOW: DHS Sec just confirmed Natl Guard troops would not be allowed to do actual enforcement (arrests, detention).

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

A good friend of mine once told me that mocha latte’s should be called choco-latte’s and now whenever I see “mocha” on the menu at a café I get angry at the inventors of the mocha for being so blind to this very simple fact.

[Oliver Benezra @_Ollie__b]

I’m just here to see if tweeting about how shitty snapchat is will cause them to lose $800 million. #heregoesnothing