SugaBun

She/Her ~ Bi ~ Messed up Mind

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

So my psychiatrist wants me to get checked for Autism ...
The waiting lists for diagnosis are over two years ...
Fuck my life

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Being on a waiting list to get psychological help sucks !
Every two weeks I have to call just for them to tell me that they still don't have a place for me ...

I'm fighting against my own mind
I feel myself getting worse and worse
I can't talk to anyone

"Thanks I call again"

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Hanging by a threat
Afraid to take the scissors in my own hand

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

I hope that when I'm gone one day you'll stop hating me for leaving

I know you'll say I'm selfish and your right
But I hope you know it wasn't your fault and I loved you with all my heart

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

I should have replaced it after the last time

The water isn't deep enough for me to drown
But the air down here is getting thinner

Others saw me falling into the well
But they have no idea how shallow the water is

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

I fell into a well,
It's not the first time but this time it's different

The well hasn't gotten deeper but the water level changed

I want to scream for help but no one will hear me down here

There a rope but its worn out

I could try to use the it but afraid it might snap

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Why can't I talk about my struggles

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

I know I probably say "I'm sorry" to often and sometimes for "no reason" but it's something I can't control

Maybe because I was told " not to do this" or " not to say that" and "your to loud/ annoying/much" very often in my life

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Crying in silence, screaming without a sound, falling apart without breaking

[lets heal and recover @recovery_your]

Childhood trauma doesn’t come back as a feeling it comes back as a reaction.
#trauma

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Figured out why I'm so lost in life ...

While everyone else was thinking about how their life would be and what they wanna do I never thought I make it this far...

Now I'm 31 and sometimes I silently hope for an way out

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Standing on the last step of the ladder, unable to reaching your expectations.

Trying to climb higher, taking the risk to fall into the hole that opened up.

Maybe just one more step ...

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

Let's have a drink and remember all those who suffered like we did but didn't make it in the end.

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

I just want to disappear

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

It's insane how bad I want to tell people that I'm miserable but at the same time I don't because I'm afraid that they will think that I'm just doing it for attention.

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

What happened to us ?

[SugaBun @_SugaBun_]

And then I wonder if there will be a day when I feel ok, not happy, just ok