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Advice on life.

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Truth 😭

[Absolute Yoga @Absolute__Yoga]

Our current online membership is £45 per month ❤️ We haven’t confirmed an opening date yet but when we do we will add to social media ❤️

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When all of this is over I’m applying to work at B&Q.

Between my lockdown DIY efforts and past dating history I’ve become quite the expert on tools.

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Lockdown with your man...

Him: Look at this

Me: I hope it’s not his willy again. For the love of God, find a vaccine!

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Lockdown Day Three: I’ve got 99 problems and actually contracting Covid-19 ain’t one.

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Don’t be thinking outside the box to keep your woman entertained during lockdown.

She wants deep fried cheese and a separate room away from you. Get back in your fucking box.

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“It’s not even 10am and I’ve done three loads of washing, cleaned the house, become bilingual and turned water into wine”.

Pipe down love, nobody likes a lockdown twat.

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Lockdown friend: I’ve done a Joe Wicks workout, deep conditioned my hair, saved the whales and been for a run.

Lockdown Me: I’ve had two pot noodles and a nap.

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I was prepared for a lock down...I wasn’t prepared for my dad self isolating with a smart phone and learning how to send memes. Is there some sort of government support for this?

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@luvvvthat Fleeting visit

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All of the beauty shops have closed for a couple of months. No lashes, tans, nails, brows, waxing...

Men of the UK: brace yourselves. You’re about to see what your bird really looks like 🤪

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Lockdown Tips

1. A shit load of wine
2. A pre-planned place to bury him - we all know it’s gonna come to that
3. Martial Law will happen soon: practice a sexy loitering face
4. Can’t hurt to shave your legs, there’ll be soldiers everywhere soon
5. A decent flame thrower or cosh

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If you’re on lockdown with:

1. A garden
2. A shit load of wine
3. A man that doesn’t do your head in
4. And a fuck load of paracetamol

...then you’re living the dream

[Absolute Yoga @Absolute__Yoga]

❤️ Yoga for Beginners 4 week course starts Tuesday 4th Feb 6.30-7.30pm (£30)
Please see here for more info https://t.co/VskiXipKpb…

If you’d like to book on, or have any questions, just message or email [email protected] ❤️ This course is not in the hot room

[Absolute Yoga @Absolute__Yoga]

❤️ Pilates for Beginners 4 week course starts Wednesday 12th Feb 6.30-7.30pm (£30)
Please see here for more info https://t.co/VskiXipKpb…

If you’d like to book on, or have any questions, just message or email [email protected] ❤️ This course is not in the hot room

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🙊

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Honesty 🙌