i’ve been hurt by a lot of people who i’ve trusted and thought loved me. so here’s what i would say if you deal with the heaviness of failing to protect yourself and feel you need to protect yourself from everyone now:
first, there’s power in placing the responsibility back in their hands by saying “you hurt me. you failed to protect or care for me. i should not have to protect myself against someone i thought loved me.”
after the attacks, you’ll naturally go into protective mode with walls up. the anger and the bodyguard protecting you will takeover the driver seat for a while and you’ll be hyper protecting yourself. you’ll learn what it means to do so. but eventually, you’ll have to tell yourself it’s okay. that you don’t have to protect yourself so hard. when you feel yourself hardening, being very angry and turning into a bitch, it’s time to tell them to hop over to the passenger side. trust that you will protect yourself next time.
and you know what’ll free you most? knowing you don’t have to protect yourself from people who actually love you. people who don’t protect you and harm you instead do not love you. that was not love and it’s okay to say that and separate the two.
you actually don’t have to protect yourself from people who love you because people who love you wouldn’t be people you have to protect yourself against.
know that you don’t have to guard against everyone trying to love you. you just have to recognize that the people who hurt and attacked you did not love you.
that may hurt, but it will free you from the idea that you must protect and distance yourself from everyone.
it’s not everyone. it was them and that’s on them. but you? you’re good. you’re protected now and you know how to do so for yourself.
I love how women are having such honest conversations about what happens in their homes behind closed doors. It may seem small but it’s causing a massive shift in the lives, attitudes and priorities for women.
i don’t think people know that being in friendship is permission to interrupt, be disturbed, be bothered, be annoyed. friendship isn’t decorative it’s intimacy.
u know back in the day I studied criminal justice in high school. My teacher was telling us about how he’d never break the law but then the convo got rly dark n serious almost when he said but if it came down to his son and having what they needed. He’d start stealing and do what he needed to do. And I never forgot that conversation because this is what happens. When you deny people a basic right, when you deny families and children of basic human needs it’s going to be a lot more stealing. It’s going to be a lot more violence. When people have nothing to lose and you’ve already stripped them of everything they had they stop fearing consequence. When you take control of every resource, deliberately make it inaccessible by price gouging, yet turn around and shame people who ARE working hard and still cannot afford resources that are a basic human right, people are going to become more and more angry. When it comes to taking food out of peoples mouths, they are going to start doing what they have to do to feed their families. If you show no regard for human life why would people show regard for yours. It’s only going to continue to get worse.