Allison Mortens

She/her. Furmom to Cat, Roy, and Luther, doer of CrossFit, baker of things, watcher of people, salty person.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Anyone else wondering what is up with the wigs this season on #bridgertonseason2? 😬

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Any other #murderinos catch the “stay sexy and don’t get murdered” on #NextLevelChef? 👀@MyFavMurder

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

@katelinklyn I’ve had great experiences with anything from @acurebeauty! Affordable and effective! @FirstAidBeauty is another great brand and worth the extra coin. Their ultra repair cream is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Small things I enjoy about my place of work - there are people who follow the weather more closely and obsessively than I do. #unqualifiedweatherperson #SnowStorm2021

[That Gay Guy Candle Co. 🇺🇸 @gayguycandleco]

We’re giving a candle on Inauguration Day! Want it?

1. Like this tweet
2. Hit retweet
3. Follow us, if you aren’t already

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

All of this for Donald Trump. A fucking clown if there ever was one. What a country.

[🥀 Audree 🥀 @DarlinSincerest]

Choosing to condone rather than condemn the actions of today speaks volumes of who you are as a person. Please hard block me if you think this is okay. Idc who you are.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding me

[Timothy Burke @bubbaprog]

Cops are taking selfies with the terrorists.

[Georgia Hardstark @GHardstark]

Betcha lots of uncloseted racists are frantically deleting old tweets tonight. Too bad we made a list, fuckers.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Being a @ChicagoBears fan in Madison, WI, is always fun on days like this. Especially when your pup comes home from the from a play date with a @packers bandana on. #ItsOn #BearDown

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Again, if you’re traveling unmasked, going out unmasked, and attending live events en masse unmasked, fuck right off.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Mask up, folks.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

You went to a bar, club, or party for #NYEL2021 you can squarely fuck right off. Stay home. Wear a mask. This thing ain’t over, peeps.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

💙😭🙈

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

We did it, @JoeBiden.

[Wine & Crime Podcast @WineandCrimePod]

The work is just beginning but let’s all take a moment to breathe a long sigh of relief. THANK YOU to voters, activists, organizers, poll workers, protestors, elders, aunties & regular folks across this country who said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

@MyFavMurder episodes 74-76 sound like they coul have been recorded today even though they’re from 2017. #BlackLivesMatter #BlackLivesStillMatter

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

@MyFavMurder I’m listening to Mini-sode Ep. 63 (way way back) and the footlicker incident was at my school, IN MY DORM. Norse Murderinos, where you at?!

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

@momma_meh This thing is real! We visited Robert in Key West a few years ago. The museum is packed with letters from people who didn’t say goodbye to Robert when they left or didn’t ask permission to take a photo.

[Allison Mortens @_allisom]

Re-listening to the first half of this week’s @WineandCrimePod episode JUST so I can *watch* the episode and feel like I’m hanging with the gals! #staythefuckhome #