Awkward Penguin

Read my tweets. IT DEFINES YOUR LIFE.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Posted a photo on Instagram. 1 HOUR AFTER YOU JUST DELETED IT CUZ NO ONE LIKED IT.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Finally graduated from college. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE ANYMORE.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Been away for too long. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES YOU WERE GONE AND NO ONE CARES YOU'RE BACK.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

#ImUglyBut I have no friends and don't know how to talk to people---wait am I doing this right?

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Finally get an awesome girlfriend you'd be totally down settling with. SHE BREAKS UP WITH YOU AND YOU'RE BACK TO SQUARE ONE, I GUESS.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Playing #PokemonGo is all fun and games until you meet another person who's playing it too and have to talk to them...

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

The exact type of joke I'd say IRL that would make me wanna get sucked by a wormhole right after just to escape. https://t.co/buHYCK5tim

[Poisoned Pigeon @Poisoned_Pigeon]

@_AwkwardPenguin You're not irrelevant, you're a penguin!

irrelevant - elephant get it?

*Walks off into distance never to be seen again*

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

@Darkillermon I guess there's always gonna be social-awkwardness in the world, huh?

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

SERIOUS QUESTION: Hey guys, do you still find this twitter account relevant?

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Write super-long analysis of a show you like to impress people and post it online. DELETE IT 15 MINUTES LATER BECAUSE NO ONE EVEN NOTICED.

[ramzy @ramzyrizzle]

Find someone that looks at you like Sam looks at library books.

#GameOfThrones

[ramzy @ramzyrizzle]

You can go fuck yourself, 2016, fuck you! Fuck cancer as well. I haven't even begun getting over Bowie, now you take Rickman...fuck...

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

RIP Alan Rickman, you were Hans Gruber to me first, but you'll always be Snape in all of our hearts...

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Walking in a narrow hallway, person in front suddenly stops. TOO SCARED TO SAY EXCUSE ME SO YOU STOP AND WAIT FOR THEM TO CONTINUE WALKING.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Get asked by someone for help in a store. You don't work there. YOU HELP THEM ANYWAYS.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Ask someone for help in a store. THEY DON'T WORK THERE.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Friends tell you to just talk to your crush. LOL NO.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

#SingleBecause I AM A GODDAMN SOCIALLY-AWKWARD PENGUIN.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Singing along to a song. START AT WRONG PART.

[Awkward Penguin @_AwkwardPenguin]

Try to jump into conversation. GET COMPLETELY IGNORED.