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[BK Sports @bksportsaccount]

To avoid Dortmund & Juventus.

[Kachii @badasskachii]

I know for a fact that Manchester United are a bigger club than Liverpool because if Florian Wirtz played for us, do you think his mental health will still be alright after not living up to expectations despite his heavy transfer fee?

[Manae @ManaeThoughts]

When I lose 2 arms and a leg in a car crash and the doctor tries saving me

[Trust Fund Terry @trustfundterry]

Claude cannot do cocaine in the bathroom at the Goldman Sachs holiday party

[sully @sullyexcl]

if we lose to spurs tomorrow, i can't even begin to fathom how toxic and negative it'll be around united

[💎 @TJayyyy_1]

Ronaldo returning was so worth it idc. Those goals gave me unreal dopamine

[𝙁 @fuadyabz23]

crying this is really our team uno

[sullen @fakepalindromes]

Dad just told me he feels a little smug laughing at my jokes because I’m essentially his creation, so every joke I’ve ever told is, in some sense, inherently his.

[FRADO @fradobaby]

If i gotta spend my money every time I see u i don't wanna see u no more

[ꌅꈼꈼꄞ ⚓️ @RIPCURLREEF]

Sometimes i say shit people find really funny without me meaning to be funny and it always feels like this

[𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓪𝓰𝓸 @gian_cjs]

la felicidad está en poder tener alguien para mandarle los tweets más desubicados que existen

[段闲云 @interestxy]

告诉大家一个保持心理健康的秘密，就是不要尝试解读任何事、任何行为、任何表情、任何言语、任何关系。你看到的，就只是你看到的，发生的，也只是已经发生的。接受事情本来的样子，把注意力收回自己，过好眼前的每一天，然后，带着一天里真实发生过的快乐，安心入睡。

[J. Jewlz Jameson📰🗞️ ☆⋆𖦹°‧★ @utterlyjewlz]

mom sent me $30 for gas…. she never specified what kind though

[Ben @Spar_tacuss]

I need to relocate from this minna fr 😭

[Aakash Gupta @aakashgupta]

Your body thinks a day is 24 hours because the sun tells it so every morning. Take away the sun, and a "day" can stretch to 48 hours without you feeling a thing.

Scientists learned how far it goes in 1962, when a 23-year-old French geologist named Michel Siffre lowered himself into an Alpine cave for 63 days with no clock and no sun. When his team called down to say time was up, he argued with them. By his own count he still had a month left.

NASA funded his next one. In 1972, Siffre spent 205 days in a Texas cave, with the French Defense Ministry watching too, because they needed to schedule sleep for nuclear submarine crews. Down there his body did something nobody expected. It stretched to a 48-hour day. 36 hours awake, 12 hours asleep, and from the inside it felt completely normal.

That mechanism explains Flamini's missing 300+ days. Your brain counts days by sleep cycles, nothing else. When each cycle quietly stretches past 24 hours, the calendar and your body stop agreeing, and you have no way to feel the gap.

She stopped counting on day 65, almost exactly where Siffre's drift kicked in. When her team finally came down to get her after 500 days, she was asleep. Her first question on the surface was who's buying the beer.

The sun wins this argument on your behalf every single morning. Light hitting your eyes at dawn is the only thing pinning your internal clock to Earth's rotation, and a cave is just what happens when it stops showing up.

[Gutz @gutznotguts]

I hate noise cancelling headphones because it makes every song have a part that sounds like various family members screaming for help as they’re brutalized by an intruder while I sit in my room unaware