best kevin

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

Benjamin Netanyahoo

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I have been asked to comment on the situation in iran. I have been asked this by my cousin who is in jail. I am awaiting a package but I will be looking into iran as soon as the package delivery situation has been resolved.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

Big Beautiful Bill is what we used to call my uncle Richard. He died at the hands of the papal secret service and left behind significant gambling arrears that he amassed by betting god could not hear our cries.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I am being executed by firing squad. On account of the tariffs.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

While you were busy bathing in the warm light of Christ’s endless love, I was being contacted by Christ’s attorney regarding my continued encroachment on Christ’s property line.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I am in college

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I am studying quantumgender and learning about genders that exist only in theory. Genders that appear to pop in and out of existence, observable to scientists for mere fractions of milliseconds. Genders described by the gnostic profits. Genders yet to be conceived of by god.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

We out here tithing

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I have a Urinary Tract Infection and I Vote

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

My wages are being garnished by the CIA and my ass is being deployed to the Gaza Strip

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

@uppercutski https://t.co/JzLFZb0jp6

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

🎶 I am building
a beef mausoleum

I intend to die in an Arby’s
And be buried with some of the meat from there

I am building a beef mausoleum

It smells terrible but I saw it in a dream

Visit me in the beef mausoleum
Remember me when you eat at the Arby’s I died in🎶

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

More and more people being told to “Get Grok.” Perhaps instead, we should “Pet God”

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I have consumed 36% of my daily recommended amount of sodium. But I have consumed 100% of my daily recommended amount of Nonsense

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

Santa Baby is a song about if Santa was a little baby who needed his diaper changed and was facing criminal charges for trespassing

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

I must respectfully abstain from discussion of current events as my primary student loan servicer is The State of Israel.

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

Remember to TURN YOUR PHONES OFF today before 2:20pm otherwise you will RECEIVE A PHONE CALL FROM MY DAD

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

This mf paid for twitter

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

It is time to Send In the Apes

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

Do y’all be sunckin dick during lent

[best kevin @_bestkevin]

This is bestKevin’s father. I’m saddened to share that Kevin was shot and killed by the LAPD. He asked an officer for directions to something called “Pierogi Palace” and it was too much for the officer to bear. I have been deputized by The Lord Almighty to tweet from this account