ıpuɐɔ

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Met a British guy in the wine aisle at Walmart. Had brief disagreement ab Merlot vs Chardonnay and went our separate ways.
Prob soul mates.

[mamrie hart @mametown]

Ignored a creepy dude's catcall so he stomped his feet & told me he was going to step on my dog. Just a reminder that being a woman is FUN🤘🏻

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Kid is downtown trying snails and calamari and I'm home realizing the top of my fridge needs cleaning so I'm feeling v alive and happy.

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

@breezy_freezy01 evil genius. Love it.

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Sorry I didn't answer your text, I was super busy doing some important adult stuff..

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

My favorite church folk are the ones who only acknowledge my existence when they're having a fundraiser. 🙂 #wwjd #hewouldraisefunds

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Accidentally almost sat on the chihuahua.
Her: *irritated sigh, prob with an eyeroll.*
Me: DO YOU EVEN KNOW YOURE A DOG?
Her: *dogfart*

[mamrie hart @mametown]

Note 2 self: when you say 'Get wild. Get crazy. You earned it.' out loud while putting chocolate powder on your coffee, others can hear you.

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Everybody's getting married and having babies, & I'm over here picking names for all the dogs I'm gonna have someday. #family ❤️

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

@breezy_freezy01 this made me lol.

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Turning Shock Ball into a drinking game is the best idea since, idk, like Internet or something.

[Introvert Life @IntrovertLiving]

Keep your friends kind of close and your enemies not that close and everyone else can just stay away.

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

@breezy_freezy01 ayyyy 😎

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

"Well, that wasn't my finest moment"
-me, every moment of my life for the past 8 years or so.

[chuuch @ch000ch]

jesus: hey guys, armageddon time. im back to defeat satan
me: (taking a selfie with the doggie filter) hold on a sec. ok what

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Felt like a bug was crawling on my leg. Nope, just the wind softly blowing my lustrous leghairs. Why am I still single? We may never know..🤔

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

When you're 35, getting carded at restaurants is the best feeling in the world. 😌

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

@jessnmill I was able to pull in to Family Practice til my brother came and rescued me

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

Car 🙃 broke 🙃 down 🙃
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY 🙃

[ıpuɐɔ @_candigrady_]

My friend sent me his high school yearbook picture and I hAVE TO SHARE IT CAUSE ITS MAGICAL. so, you're welcome.