Christina Martin

don’t wake me up just put a blanket on me

[💬 @allthingsdante]

this is the best ad i've seen in a while 😭

[Satan @s8n]

Life would be easier if the world ended in 2012 like it was supposed to.

[ogmaxb @ogm4xb_]

they be saying "it cost $0 to be kind" like being hater ain't free too

[2R, Rossi! @KimberleeRedFox]

@KimmyMonte Meanwhile, my wicker coffin company “To Hell in a Handbasket” is thriving

[kim @KimmyMonte]

my glass coffin company “remains to be seen” is not doing as well as i thought it would.

[Axel Folio, PhD, White Tears Distiller 🪁 @ISASaxonists]

If you are gonna do conspiracy theories go big or go home.

[trash jones @jzux]

my biological clock is ticking (i’m running out of time to drink on weeknights)

[Zar ✰ @Zarinacar]

the “a” in my name stands for always right

[Sarah Lazarus @sarahclazarus]

maybe leonardo dicaprio hated 9/11 so much that he can’t even date women who remember it. did that even occur to you

[trash jones @jzux]

surely THIS is the salad that will undo months of fast food and alcohol

[Sam 🤍 @camsamantha]

This is legitimately the funniest thing I have ever seen

[Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad]

BREAKING: CDC just announced that a massive outbreak of updog has started to spread

[Laurazepam @andlikelaura]

my favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons