Cole

~Let me intimidate you with mediocrity~

[Cole @_coleture]

someone asked me why my pinky nails are so long. it's so i can pick boogers and earwax, but i told them i'm addicted to cocaine.

[Cole @_coleture]

so needless to say that guy isnt my friend anymore. how's everyone else's weekend been?

[Cole @_coleture]

"and on top of that," he says "it reaffirms my masculinity so I know for sure I'm not gay." and I wish I was making this up but I'm not.

[Cole @_coleture]

my reaction obviously is like "huh?" and he says "it makes perfect sense. if I sleep with HER then they're even and I dont have to tell her"

[Cole @_coleture]

and he goes "oh my god, you're brilliant. I can sleep with HER." now keep in mind that at no point did I suggest anything close to this.

[Cole @_coleture]

and my only advice for the dude is to just tell the girl who was just cheated on. like, at the very least, if she's your friend.

[Cole @_coleture]

pal is like "no... I dont care that he cheated on his girlfriend. I'm scared I might be gay." so I'm thinking again how did I get into this?

[Cole @_coleture]

then he says his friend has a girlfriend, who is also his friend. and I'm like, ah ok. yeah that was a crummy thing to do. I understand.

[Cole @_coleture]

"I slept with my best friend" he says. and I'm still not sure what's so bad about this. "my friend is trans ftm" he says. and I'm like "ok?"

[Cole @_coleture]

so I'm thinking, did this guy kill a man or something? what's so bad he reaches out to me, of all people? well, I ask him to explain

[Cole @_coleture]

I have a friend I haven't spoken with in almost 4 years. He texts me today and says "I did something really bad and need someone to talk to"

[Cole @_coleture]

https://t.co/Dgl3xenTVz

[Cole @_coleture]

@yelita_ali @oohandybaby same

[Cole @_coleture]

also, fuck you

[Cole @_coleture]

fuck me

[Cole @_coleture]

the time draws neigh

[Cole @_coleture]

the hoes are laughin? yep. the hoes are laughin? yep. so the audience are a bunch of hoes? YEP.

[Cole @_coleture]

They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a jaded, anxious jerk.

[Cole @_coleture]

and the rest of ya out here havin babies or somethin. idek anymore

[Cole @_coleture]

basically I found a porn vid that has my best friend's doppleganger as the staring role and laughed so hard I lost it & made tacos instead.