Sorry, but a man who ruins your mental health cannot be the love of your life. Ever. I know you love him. I know you've built a future in your mind with him. I know you keep hoping he'll change, that things will get better, that the good moments will eventually outweigh the bad.
But here's the truth you need to hear: real love doesn't destroy you. Real love doesn't leave you anxious, depressed, constantly questioning yourself, walking on eggshells, or losing pieces of who you are. That's not love, that's trauma bonding.