Em

fun size on fleek with it #girlboss

[Guilherme Nunes @guilhernunes_]

photographer capybara

[Em @_discreet_af]

when u think he’s out fuckin bitches but he’s actually out getting post-work margaritas and booling with the boys ✨

[Em @_discreet_af]

my anxiety tells me the craziest shit such as that if I comment ⏳ on someone’s post to say “slay that body is snatched like an hourglass” they’ll think I’m ominously saying “your time is almost up”

[Em @_discreet_af]

when u don’t understand what the paint man at the paint store is talking about so he explains it in terms of purses so I would understand 👛🎀☺️

[Em @_discreet_af]

men: I’m not sending mixed signals
also men:

[Em @_discreet_af]

my freakin ex kicked me off his Hulu right as the Mormon swingers docuseries is coming out, literally so rude omfg couldn’t he have realized I was on there a week later? this is worse than the breakup, I’m gonna rage 😤

[Em @_discreet_af]

Is it too late to be aborted? Asking for a friend 😝

[Em @_discreet_af]

headbanging to Harry Styles sitting in rva rush hour traffic hits different

[Em @_discreet_af]

@ian3dmonds dude my life is comical at this point

[Em @_discreet_af]

the man who made me touch his third nipple is engaged and I’ll forever be single….. logging off so nothing else can humble me like dis again gbye

[Em @_discreet_af]

“yo when I was skinny, I was farting THROUGH couches but now that my cheeks are bigger I can’t fart sitting down”

[Em @_discreet_af]

just found out that Kansas City is not, in fact, in Kansas. Don’t txt I need time to process this

[PopCulture @notgwendalupe]

you had to be there for these crossovers (a thread 📺) :

[Em @_discreet_af]

@kmrappold I’m dead ass serious, his claim to fame is when Elmo took his blankie and he had a meltdown during a live show in Australia

[Em @_discreet_af]

@kmrappold humble flex my bf’s aunt was the director of Sesame Street for a number of years and he got to be on the show a couple times as a kid

[matt @computer_gay]

two dumb bitches telling each other "exactlyyyyy"

[Em @_discreet_af]

(surprisingly no one was severely injured from this so it’s not depressing to watch) BUT DAMN THIS SHIT CRAZY

[Crazy Clips @crazyclipsonly]

Passengers jump off plane before it crashes 😳 https://t.co/aP7XWCUXpR

[Em @_discreet_af]

@wandering116 I would lose my mind

[Em @_discreet_af]

@wandering116 The pets upstairs 🥹🥹🥹

[Em @_discreet_af]

does anyone else get so depresso when your bf leaves after spending the night or are you guys mentally stable