Distracted Mama

Kid mom, dog mom, wife, and basic bad ass. Tattooed and crude. Hilarious... but possibly only to myself. Sarcasm and profanity flow through my veins.

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

@CashApp $LindC84

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

$LindC84

[Cash App @CashApp]

Goodbye 2021, you were okay.

Welcome 2022, please be better. We’re giving away $50,000 today. Share this post with your $cashtag for a chance to win $500, $250, or $100 #CashAppyNewYear

No purc nec. Void where proh. Ends 12/31 https://t.co/NJKNlvYknb

[Cash App @CashApp]

You asked for it, so here’s another 99% off Crocs Boost. Max discount $50 with your Visa Cash Card. Drop your $cashtag and RT this to win. #CashApp99off

Must follow @CashApp. No purch nec. Void where proh. Ends 12/30. Rules: https://t.co/8C9r5v71qP

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

@CashApp $LindC84

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

@itsjojosiwa @CashApp $LindC84 #CashApp13plus

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

$LindC84 #CashApp13plus

[JoJo Siwa @itsjojosiwa]

Cash App is here for TEENS!! Now anyone 13+ can manage their money securely & even get a free custom #CashCard to spend safely anywhere I’m giving out $1M to celebrate MORE FINANCIAL ACCESS 4TEENS too! Just drop your $cashtag below w.#CashApp13plus & follow @CashApp rn

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

$LindC84 #Fortune4Days

[Cash App @CashApp]

Last day, so we gave it a good shake.

Giveaway is $2,000,000 in stock. RT this post with your $cashtag. Must be following @cashapp to win. #Fortune4Days

No purch nec. Void where proh. Ends 11/30. Rules: https://t.co/GOgQ0Z4K3N

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

When you ask your coworker to pick up salsa for you for tomorrow potluck.

#iamhilarious #venmo

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Time to dissolve them kidney stones!!!

#lemonwater #kidneystones

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Bought a couple pairs of jeans two days before surgery....

Well it’s apparent I was correct about sitting on my ass and eating carbs for my week of recovery.

Cuz damn... these jeans may have shrunk a size or two.

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Weirdest thing ever found on you’re fireplace mantel

I’ll go first

1. Shin guards
2. Cleats
3. Soccer socks

I mean really kid!!

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

When bed rest depression hits

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Thank goodness for the new season of #orangeisthenewblack or this healing mom may go nuts.

#surgerysucks

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

@TrophyWifeDayna I feel ya 💯
Competitive soccer mom here ✋

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

I said I wanted some time off of work but not like this... #appendix #hernia #kidneystones #onetoughmofo

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

I had reached one of the greatest achievements of being a parent.

Going to the bathroom without be disturbed.

Then I got a puppy 🐶 🤦‍♀️

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

My 11 year old son learned the hard way to not make bets at my husbands softball games.

We won and he has several lawns to mow. 🏆

#homeruns for #mowedlawns

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Kids these days may never know the true happiness a ghetto Nintendo brings, but they’re about to see it in their mom. 💊 💊 💊
#drmarioworld

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

Every single Thursday when I pull into work...

#ThursdayThought #thursdaymorning #workingmom #distractedmama

[Distracted Mama @_distractedmama]

@Mrs_JGplus3