Elias Kane

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

How did you tell your boss you’re in the hospital? Did you send a company-wide email saying “I’ll be back at the earliest opportunity” and hauled ass? I’d think a phone call would be an acceptable request after a month’s absence at your desk. Well, if you were dead on the other hand, I’d totally see how you wouldn’t call this exceptionally lenient boss.

Jesus Christ we have to explain manners and mores like we’re five, for real.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@shannonrwatts If 'if's and 'but's were candy and nuts....

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

This 👇🏽This 👇🏽This 👇🏽This 👇🏽This 👇🏽This 👇🏽

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@Spotify Pure poetry — https://t.co/58xI0xcRpb

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@Acyn Does it hurt their back to kiss their own asses like that?

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@mattxiv @DanaBashCNN She's fumbling a wobbly balancing act, but 'short-circuiting' is a massive stretch. She just tunes him out and repeats her canned question. Bad journalism, sure, but let's call a spade a spade.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

How is it that every👏🏼single👏🏼one👏🏼of these LOSERS cry foul after every match. PBD, Rubin, Pratt, that other doofus from the PBD panel.
These past few weeks they're collapsing back to back and come back for seconds. This is almost unnatural.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@TVietor08 @MeghanMcCain I think we’ve seen this episode, like six years ago.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

This is like a clown running across a minefield.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

We are not about to let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@JoeyMannarino Sometimes I feel like there's a 9-year-old boy inside of you just operating levers.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

Francis Montgomery von Biscuit and
Henry Theodore Scratchington

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

Artificial intelligence can never compare to natural stupidity.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

I am one minor inconvenience away from becoming a local folklore villain.

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

Silver facial hair coming in feels a little aggressive

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@catshealdeprsn Bismarck 😜

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

There's only one answer... Veep

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@Spotify Not sure if it counts but that’s the first song that came to mind when I read the caption 😜

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

@ATRightMovies

[Elias Kane @_eliaskane]

all therapists have therapists and then those therapists have a therapist and so it continues until you reach the final boss
therapist who is Fiona Apple
https://t.co/bisbEH2MOq