ericalynn

🖤☕️🍔📖

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Christ can nobody respect a fucking boundary? No, inviting someone to dinner who has explicitly said to never contact them again is NOT “being nice” it’s a direct violation of the boundary they set with you so BACK OFF. #Toxic

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

@jimmyfallon You’re the best! ❤️

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Really need @VancityReynolds to respond to this so I can win a “get a famous person to respond” competition at work. The winner gets nothing but glory.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Rest in hell, fucker.

[Caedrel @Caedrel]

THIS WILL BE THE DAY YOU ALMOST CAUGHT CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

JOHNNY WONNNNNNNN 😎

#Deppvsheard

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Made an appointment for a Brazilian wax and it accidentally synced to a shared google calendar at work 🫠

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Calling my mom a filthy piece of shit then trying to tell me I shouldn’t cuss because it’s not ladylike? OKAY. Fuck, you.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Fuck them dishes.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Them: “If it were me doing it I’d….”
Me: “k well you could have but you didn’t so if you don’t like how I’m doing it, do it yourself 🤷🏽‍♀️”

There’s a difference between me telling you what I’m doing and me asking for advice about how I’m doing it. Call me an asshole idc.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Lawd how Valentine’s Day has changed for us over the years 😂
Me: I was gonna get you a card but they all said stupid things so I didn’t get you one.
Zach: good. Wanna go to Walmart and I’ll buy you some chocolate?
Me: fuckin right I do.

#whatdreamsaremadeof 🤣😍🤷🏽‍♀️

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

I cannot stress this enough, painting over a shitty paint job = another shitty paint job.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

No, it’s fine, I don’t need any help. I’ll just do it my own fucking self☺️

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

You know you’re a mom when you continue to run the house with second degree burns on your dominant hand 🙄😅🤷🏽‍♀️

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Spam call: I’m wondering if you’re interested in health care coverage.
Me: nope, it’s provided through my employer. You can take me off this call list.
Spam: sure thing! I’ve taken you off the list!
*2 days later*
SAME GUY: *calls again*
Me: MF!

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Trying to move and plan my mom a bomb ass 50th birthday party simultaneously will probably be the end of me🙃

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Thanks for the Christmas pepper spray I guess? Guess I have something to fall back on when my Glock runs out of bullets…

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

There is really nothing better than someone finally getting exactly what they fucking deserve.

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

Fried morels and fine hotels and all that in the middle 🖤

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

@Talk_To_The_Hat Hmmm sounds like my stepdad. I’ll forever be reminded that he paid for my education. Let’s not forget the threats of not paying for it before I was done. And I am so not an ungrateful person 🙄

[ericalynn @_elmtree]

@dopaminedrunk Courage the Cowardly Dog…gave me nightmares