Elizabeth Velasquez

• Team Edward • punctuation is a state of mind •

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Life is a highway and I’m a 2003 honda civic that shakes if I go over 60MPH

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

@mollyblewis Congrats! I read this as “do some grave robbings with Mom.”

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

@mollyblewis I know I know try them before you judge me too harshly they’re my favorite holiday cookie

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Who do i trust most in the world? the zoom mute button i guess

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

These days I get most of my serotonin from a shark tracking app

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

@OCEARCH can you make it so people can like comments on your app xoxo 🐳

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

@KTerminella I won’t

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

The Tesla truck is to cars what Laura Croft’s triangle tits are to boobs.

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

I gotta say, last January’s WW3 was much funnier than this January’s attempted coup

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

COVID has done a lot of things but one of the best is raising the bar for personal space. If I ever have to sit next to a stranger on public transportation again I’ll 😷🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Never forget King Louis XIV got off on watching women give birth. We DO kink shame in this house (and in 17th century France)

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Feeling robbed bc I wasn’t old enough to go to the club in Ke$ha’s prime

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Getting old is realizing that I buy a fruity little drink bc I can’t shoot whiskey

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

@cristina_anne_ Get a second one and use them as pasties

[Jamdrew ⭐⭐⭐ @pierrederecho]

Buzz buzz? Buzzzzzzz

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

📈 Trending on our site for quite possibly the first time:

'fly'

#VPDebate

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

Just learned Taio Cruz, of Dynamite, 2009’s Song of the Summer™, is British. 2020 really said and none for America

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

My love language is the first 26 seconds of she looks so perfect

[Elizabeth Velasquez @_fabuliz_]

I don’t care how anime his hair is Mako is still a narc