SAM

[Gaz @Gaz3putt]

Bit gutted Egypt have got this far. Mate of mine has been backing them every match and told me to get involved.

Didn't bother as it just sounded like a pyramid scheme.

[T G J @thatguysjokes]

Pubs open until 5am on a Monday?

[Dan @Altgthr]

It’s so hot today that if Michael Barrymore invited me round for a pool party I’d go.

[Michail Antonio @Michailantonio]

Thank you and sorry I couldn’t say goodbye on the pitch. ❤️⚒️❤️

[Larry Burns ✝️💙 @LarryBurns175_]

If you’re in the pub tonight have a look around you. Memorise the faces. These are the real ones. Mid-week November, no football on, just pints and chat. These are the people that deserve seats in the summer when all the part-timers appear because the suns out. Proper boozers.

[SAM @_hectorsam_]

Spits when he talks

[⚪️ @owenthfc__]

Married his childhood sweetheart who he has four kids with, donates to both armed forces & mental health charities while having his own mental health foundation, doesn't drink or smoke, been caught up in zero career scandals which is rare for a 32 year old footballer with his fame.

That's not even mentioning things like being both his nation's & boyhood club's all time goalscorer. 6 golden boots, 4 of which being in the Premier League & the World Cup.

All of this yet Harry Kane is one of the world's most disrespected & disliked footballers of all time. Bizarre. He is everything a child should look up to.

[Lauren Chen @TheLaurenChen]

The UK is so woke they're promoting incest to not offend Pakistanis

[Hammer Bytes @HammerBytes]

Nah this might actually be tweet of the season 😂

[joe @joeob97]

Lives a sheltered life these people I was gettin shown videos of the cartel beheading people in ict in year 7 at 9am on a Wednesday morning

[R @rssn3_]

Another drink people are faking to enjoy:

[Stoop Tiger @fplStoopTiger]

So the wife asked me for a race bare in mind Iv had 3 ACL reconstructions and Iv got nothing left in my hamstrings I could literally feel my hammy on its last chord 🤣🤣

[GruffaloScoot @gruffaloscoot]

Also the Motorways are a shambles.
Nobody has a fucking clue how they work anymore.
I’ve stopped caring. If you are hogging a lane I’m going past on whatever side works for me. Fuck you. Fuck off.

[Jordy Meady @jordyymeady]

Selling my car , one dent in the front where I hit a cyclist earlier!
£2300 ONO

[WH Fan Place @WestHamPlace]

@SheffieldUnited #BlameTevez

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

"Wishing my daughter good luck in her GCSEs", says my friend on Facebook. Well why don't you tell her that when she wakes up in your house, you attention seeking wanker?

[SAM @_hectorsam_]

@lukassss513 Lovely trophy that

[SAM @_hectorsam_]

😂😂😂😂😂

[Footy Accumulators @FootyAccums]

Bowen ALL TIME Premier League record:

Starts: 178
Non Penalty Goals: 52
Penalty Goals: 2

Saka ALL TIME Premier League record:

Starts: 176
Non Penalty Goals: 42
Penalty Goals: 11

Havertz ALL TIME Premier League record:

Starts: 121
Non Penalty Goals: 39
Penalty Goals: 2

[Olly🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 ⭐ ⚽ @ClassAOlly44]

Missing for an hour, poor bloke can't enjoy a fucking pint on a Sunday.