Helen

Whiny entitled self-absorbed Millennial. Proud turophile with juniper undertones. Unapologetic eye roller, swears a lot.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Never really attracted many dickwads to this smol 🔫💣 account BUT ignoring the Celeb Squad intel that I'm going to be locked up in Puerto Rico for laughing at a 🤥🤡 BIG thanks for the well wishes. I'm pretty crap at personal 'soppiness' but I really appreciate it.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Sayonara for now 👋

Hundy ps, smol, 'o's on the end of every damn thing does not make you cute-o 🙄. My infantalisation will prob ramp up on tomorrow's flight cos I'm pure brat 😬✈. Mr H recognises and deals well with the assignment.
Can't even say go well y'all, but y'know 🫶

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Never really attracted many dickwads to this smol 🔫💣 account BUT ignoring the Celeb Squad intel that I'm going to be locked up in Puerto Rico for laughing at a 🤥🤡 BIG thanks for the well wishes. I'm pretty crap at personal 'soppiness' but I really appreciate it.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Plus a shout out to the OGs as summed up so succinctly by @politicaIicious and Edna back in the day bravo chicas.
WE'RE ALL AWFULLY MOLLY when it comes to the Jack Monroe grift. There's no Hydrangea in existence that will ever fix that MO.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@Ruthselina Saw your beaut pics and ever so slightly moist eyes here 🫠. I truly believe that our supposed opposites really do bring out the best in us as per my indulgent answer as I quote myself 😄😘

Eek think this is prob my last tweet... for a bit 🫣 x https://t.co/CQbmSbdHMO

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Assignment: to honour day with pottery or leather.
Stellar swerving of 'tradition' is mine & @yvonnecoomber's gain ���🌺.

A good marriage/relationship is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. Everyone knows the winner in ours.
May the Fourth 🖖💑🥂.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@NigellasNightie Nah cos she's peachy.
Monroe will do whatever it takes... punching up or down. There'll be a backpocket, serendipitous reason/excuse, y'know the stuff we keep for best will be dead catted (a true skill she possesses) but it's still TOOT TOOT when it's all good = 🤗🤷‍♀️

[Helen @_Helen__W]

I'm an unapologetic lover of an emoji and one of thee most satisfying uses, stolen from another of my faves Bravo's Real Housewives (Salt Lake on this occasion), is the thumbs up 👍 at the end of a certain tone of tweet. Urban Dictionary corroborates my pass agg snark 😇.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@DaveyJayZ @NoseyMJ @AwfullyMolly You blocked me yesterday loser so work it out for yourself. Oh and in case you gavotte off, check a little of my timeline 👍.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

TY @NoseyMJ for reminding me of Monroe vs TV. I'd hoped the release of #ThriftyKitchen would be something of a renaissance... all those bookings 🤑💰. Don't think the insta gig really gave us the Monroe TOOT TOOT we'd expected.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

Jack Monroe vs TV 📺 (End of Era edit).

Myriad of musings as to why you're not on the tv/got own show... mad concept but maybe you're not that good or a tad tricky to work with 🤦‍♀️.

BBC: Throwing a massive entitled tantrum secured you this gig & you've not stopped whining since.

[nick abbot @NIAbbot]

I got caught nicking sweets from Woolworth's and in order to establish the facts, I have set up an independent inquiry chaired by my mum to look into it.

[Allie Hodgkins-Brown @AllieHBNews]

Tuesday’s Daily STAR: “You don’t need a Star lettuce to see how this one ends” #TomorrowsPapersToday

[Rupert Hawksley @ruhawksley]

Every word of this by @gregjames is a joy – read read read! https://t.co/XxO6BpKcfH

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@Littlegiteshob No doubt it happened as others confirmed but hey the bandwagon with Monroe's name on was obvs parked where the skip usually is. Using lazy pejorative language cos you want to make some kind of snarky point ain't it. But 'fiercely private' 🙄.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@Ruthselina @AwfullyMolly Excited and genuinely made up we're getting to do this. I'm going to be a kept woman for a bit!

Coming from someone who gets it, factor 30 is a goal 😊. My aide-memoire btw ⬇️
https://t.co/ab4jQBMT8M

[Avi Bitterman, MD @AviBittMD]

Cheek and neck of a 92-year-old female, who used UV-protective moisturizers on her face but not on the neck for 40+ years.

https://t.co/Q8wWxY2tDE

[Helen @_Helen__W]

What. A. Time. To. Leave.
Hopefully wings will be involved as this 🕶👩🏻‍🦰 and her 🤲 Mr depart for new endeavours next week.

We know the way even if the streets have no names 🇨🇷 (no cookbooks will be misappropriated in this move and less brouhaha than a 🤥🤡 FTB in Southend).

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@politicaIicious Mortifying to think their gotcha fell so flat, funny AF tho. Phews alround when we know there's no 'gifted', high IQer planning our downfall. Morticia's got it sussed...

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@muzzer_daftbat @AwfullyMolly Aww TY x.

Have never really needed twitter outside of my work a/c so I'm not sure although I'm true to my age of being an instahun 🤭. Although seeing as I appear to have metamorphosised into AwfullyMolly, there may be a travel blog... jet skis need paying for!

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@Ruthselina @AwfullyMolly TY R 😘.

Ngl when idea was first mooted... AARGH how's a ginge gonna survive the Costa that doesn't come with a flat white? Bit terrified but thrilled. Slightly odd when your significant other's 👐 have being hunted from afar. The 'happy ending' both of us could do with tho x.

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@RedSisterr @politicaIicious @AwfullyMolly The reaching that insta's doing, must be someone in peak physical health, no arthritic 20k stomping 🤥🤡 high on life (prob F&B fumes hun).

If a loved one did get involved with AM's tweets 👏. I know my 'gang' would neverrrrr let that shit fly. Oh NO... gangs ✈ fugue state H 🫣

[Helen @_Helen__W]

@politicaIicious What's this Georgia Church Suppers the 2023 edit?

If you can't differentiate between the flags of two different countries I can't even 🥱. Oh and work on comparing linguistic styles (p.s. not the 'lingreenie' kind) and as always 👍*.

*the joy of that emoji. Aaaand TY J for 👀 x