imsostoned

Just your everyday 50's something sorta retired Florida man in training conspiracy theory believing stoner.

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@aStonedmEmoiR Oh dear. I'm so hopeful little guy wasn't! Relax momma, you got this. 🥀🥀💗

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@aStonedmEmoiR Ahhh how sweet, so happy for you both!! Get some rest please and enjoy being new parents. Nothing like it in the world. 🥀🥀🥀💗

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

My sister put the cunt in dysfunction....

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

Tiger Woods spanked Augusta National harder then he did that waitress...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@Sinful_Sub80 Stunning, just stunning

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

Given the songs wifey just played back to back I dunno if I'm getting laid or stabbed....

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@aStonedmEmoiR How sweet. I remember my wife at these times over 20 years ago, lol. 🤗

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

I have to bake these fries at 420°.
Ironic, I'll was baking me around then too...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@twistednkinky_ What the living fuck...damn girl

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

So I've got 4 things going on stove atm and I'm really fuggin baked.

Help....lol

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@skankymunter Sorry if I get caught behind the wheel of a creeper van again the judge is gonna put me in jail..

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

My dog just stopped eating went to his bed licked his dick and ran back to finish eating...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

Been waiting for wifey to respond to dirty gif.
Son walk in yelling what kind of sicko sends that when he's taking a exam....

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

Cheers Ray, you miserable fuck.
Father n laws funeral just started. Not sure if I should up or down. The claim didnt match the life...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@loss_for_words Oldest asked why we had kitty depawed and wont that click on the hardwood floors when she runs...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@CLyK76 Holy fuck. That tops my "water search and rescue in a raging rapid cuz both sons r idiots" scared the shit outta me story..

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

@aStonedmEmoiR I missed that you're expecting somewhere. How fucking awesome! Yeaaaaa

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

Father in law died last night. It was a relief to look at my wife as she cried saying "the fucker cannot hurt me anymore".

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

I'm freezing and severely down in my back. I need help getting socks on and wife his taking major weed nap.
Well fudge...

[imsostoned @_her_daddy]

I'm more a "you left your clothes wet in the washer again so I tossed them into the driveway" kinda dad...