Because women themselves are not secure they understand and weaponize the identity trap to get you to apologize for your standards and prove you are secure.
First off, that word "insecure" has become the nuclear weapon of modern arguments, deployed with surgical precision, often in the middle of a disagreement when one party has run out of logic and needs a shortcut to victory.
It probably makes the top 10 most used words in relationships daily and it is not number 10.
Unfortunately, the men who hear it often internalize it, apologize, and then try to prove that they are secure by lowering their standards and accept behaviors that violate their values - all because some goody 2 shoes told them that their discomfort is not valid.
Well, Merlin, women themselves are not secure, so they learned to weaponize the identity trap.
They realize that if they can label a man's standard as "insecurity," they can get him to apologize for it, abandon it, and prove that he is "secure" by letting her do whatever she wants.
Why does this dynamic exist?
Part of the answer lies in the fact that women have more social power in the domain of relationships.
They are the gatekeepers of sex, of commitment, of the relationship label. This asymmetry gives women leverage, and one of the ways that leverage is exercised is through the redefinition of male behaviour.
Another part of the answer lies in the fact that women are conditioned to see their own insecurity as natural and men's insecurity as weakness.
Ever noticed that a woman who worries about her partner's female friends is being "cautious" and a man who worries about his partner's male friends is being "controlling"?
A woman who wants to know her partner's whereabouts is "protecting the relationship", a man who wants the same is "monitoring" her.
The same behaviour is interpreted differently based solely on the gender of the person doing it.
This is why the only way to beat this is not to prove that you are secure, or argue about whether your discomfort is valid. But to simply refuse to play the game.
"I do not need you to certify my security. I do not need to prove anything to you or anyone. I have my standards, my boundaries... and they are not up for debate." - This is the mindset you should have.