Isaiah The Hopper

★★☆☆☆ “Arguably not the worst account on Twitter.”

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Instead of flipping somebody off I just give them a thumbs down. It hurts much more.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

People say, “kill two birds with one stone” as if they don’t know that shotguns exist.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

When WWIII happens, will we have to wear masks under our gas masks? Asking for a friend.

[City of Wichita @CityofWichita]

To the numerous people messaging us about being tempted to drink the water “just to see” or asking if they can brush their teeth in liquor, beer, wine, etc… we have other health concerns about you. Please, just continue not drinking the water until the boil advisory is lifted.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

I’m so broke I can’t even afford to pay attention.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Liking Jimmy Johns has turned out to be controversial for me.

[Luanne Pykiet @MissLuanneP]

@chrischin333 I demand a recount of all NFL football scores.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

A hotdog is a sandwich.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

I will never answer a FaceTime call. I don’t care who you are.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Me heading into this Fourth of July

[Luanne Pykiet @MissLuanneP]

@_i_hop

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

I got into an accident but not the kind that gives you superpowers.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Old man YMCA locker room conversations are wild.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Getting a degree just confirms to employers that you are proficient in using Quizlet.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

The gym is where I go to check my phone while wearing athletic shorts.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

My life is ok but lets wrap this up ya know

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

I’m going to buy some hermit crabs.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

It’s time to start lobotomizing pumpkins.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

You would think a warm toilet seat is a good thing, and in theory, it is.
But the contextual implications win that battle every time.

[Isaiah The Hopper @_i_hop]

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.