Jake Johnson

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

I have a new hobby: wasting scammer’s time for as long as possible by telling them their website link isn’t working.

I highly recommend it, very therapeutic!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

I am asking for everyone at the U.S. Capitol to remain peaceful. No violence! Remember, WE are the Party of Law & Order – respect the Law and our great men and women in Blue. Thank you!

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Please support our Capitol Police and Law Enforcement. They are truly on the side of our Country. Stay peaceful!

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

What is it about romantic comedies that make me want to both gag and propose to the next random passerby on the street?

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

It’s time to speak out. We’ve been oppressed for far too long.

Adam Sandler movies are hilarious and I’m sick of pretending they’re not.

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

“Hey guys, I know what’ll get them to stop making fun of us—“

[BDW @BryanDeanWright]

As patriotic Americans celebrate the nation today, remember what we are up against:

A fascist Democratic Party that wants us to hate ourselves, hate each other, and — most of all — hate America.

This is our fight.

[Chinny Broadbent @ChinmnTstCrnch]

Koda and I both need your help right now, Click to Donate Or Share if you can. https://t.co/WIf5FPyUtl

[Ian Miles @ianmiles]

“All over some TVs.” 77-year-old St. Louis retired Police Captain David Dorn was shot dead by looters when he tried to get them to stop looting a local pawn shop.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

My fellow Americans - My first and highest duty as President is to defend our great Country and the American People. I swore an oath to uphold the laws of our Nation -- and that is exactly what I will do…

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

If you support rioting and burning down buildings, you are no friend of mine.

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

Crazy how social distancing talk disappeared across all media outlets overnight.

[SCV Sheriff @SCVSHERIFF]

We will keep you safe.

[Robby Starbuck @robbystarbuck]

If Los Angeles County has stay at home orders until late August, there may not be any small businesses left when it finally reopens. Absolute insanity. LA County + the state of CA voted for far left Democrat tyrants and now they have them. You get what you vote for.

[Errol Webber @ErrolWebber]

LA County has no scientific data to back up this ridiculous three month extension of the stay-at-home order.

None at all.

This is angling for a federal bailout and it MUST END!

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Tesla is restarting production today against Alameda County rules. I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me.

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

I’m trying out a little experiment I like to call “How Long Can I Last In Solitude Before Resorting To Cleaning Out Of Sheer Boredom”.

It’s very scientific.

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

All things considered, the trade-off between “no going outside” and “no Jehovah’s witnesses” might be worth it

[Jake Johnson @_jakejohnson_]

So strange how many Tinder matches I’ve been getting, it’s almost like every person on the planet is in a bizarre situation where they have nothing better to do than constantly check their phones.

Weird, right?