Jonathan Guzman

we all got 'em, if we're boys.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

I've got that Gyllenhaal eye lid

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

We're happy. Finally. And then the waitress asks what I want and I say "salad with ranch." It hits me. You're dreaming again.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Lily's response to me ratting her out: "No I didn't, you lying sack of snitch!"

[Arlan 👊🏾 @ArlanWasHere]

Holy...

"Every Non Black person who wants to be treated like a Black Person in this country, raise your hand"

[VGF @VGFGamers]

RKO! https://t.co/0fm0WRWBQk

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Jess' glasses have no lenses.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Ernie knows nothing about Star Wars. That makes me feel better about knowing nothing about football.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Next year I'm getting into football. I know I said that last year, but I am so tired of having nothing to contribute to these conversations.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable. If there really is a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

I tried to fit season 4 of New Girl into one morning before work and failed. 17-22. So close.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

I havent played Gran Thenth Auto in forever.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

@Crys_Llama For Peter's sake, correct him! If he calls it that in EP it's gonna be a shit show!

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

@not_thesun if there's grass on the field... fuck it.
Just kidding.
I feel awful having said that.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

I'm immune to Psychotropic hangovers. I am god.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

@jcvddd tastes like mother nature's flamboyant younger brother Allen.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Got to sleep in a little because work was canceled due to snow. I'm starting to think lily is pranking me, and I should be at work rn.

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

"Stop poking it, dude. You're just putting out the fire."

Fire erupts from embers.

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Obama will talk about life in the White House on Jerry Seinfeld’s web series, "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" https://t.co/2JPyeOiNAu

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

@liddoob lol he's so aggravating!

[Jonathan Guzman @_jguzm]

Kicking it with my dad makes me seriously think of murder suicide sometimes