Kevin Kampwirth

behind the street sweeper.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

People who consider soccer “the beautiful game” have obviously never watched the Johnsonville Brats Cornhole Tournament on ESPN 12.

[Kevin Kampwirth @_kidpresentable]

@pddavidson Bridget’s gonna be making one of these for papa chris’ before you know it

[respectful huff @alexqarbuckle]

If Chucky the doll tried to attack me I would simply kick him away

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I like when my Apple Watch congratulates me for standing up. That’s right, Apple Watch. I did it.

[Kevin Kampwirth @_kidpresentable]

@junodemelo I went to put it in the foil drawer and my mind was blown.

[Kevin Kampwirth @_kidpresentable]

Every generation gets the president they deserve.

[Bobby Lewis @revrrlewis]

your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I guess you’ll just have to trust me that my costume is guy with IBS.

[Weird Horse @WeirdHorse]

When the goats ask me what I did at the weekend

[Durham Bulls @DurhamBulls]

You’re overrated. https://t.co/qSXTZhABYR

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Current Position: Hooked up to a breast pump while hate-scrolling through the Instagram feed of a beautiful pregnant woman whose nursery has a hashtag." #MothersDay https://t.co/4gb9CKINlb

[cas says free palestine @CrappyFumes]

Hello men- it’s shorts weather now so remember the old rhyme:
At or above the knee,
That’s what we like to see,
Longer than the knee
A juggalo ye be

[Justin Wolfers @JustinWolfers]

That's not how economics works. https://t.co/Nv7HzzEHLj

[Bach in the Subways @BachInTheSubway]

Bach in the Subways is happening NOW! What are you doing to celebrate? Post photos and videos with #BachintheSubways2018 and we'll repost!

[Kevin Kampwirth @_kidpresentable]

@paryshnikov Wait. Is this a rebrand or a pivot?

[Lawrence O'Donnell @Lawrence]

Things no one named Trump knows:

1. Tariffs are taxes.

2. USA tariffs are not really paid by China. They are paid by USA consumers of Chinese goods.

3. Tariffs raise prices of foreign goods & also raise prices of goods made in USA.

4. Wall St knows all of this.

[Jake @dubiousrhetoric]

[after I cut a bagel] would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions