kpenny

she/her

[kpenny @_kpenny]

Sure, the cashier at Trader Joe’s didn’t flirt with me and yes, I am spiraling about my mortality because of it but at least I have what’s left of my dignity and a tub of dark chocolate peanut butter cups

(you’ll pay for this, Tim)

[kpenny @_kpenny]

you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the naked neighbor

[kpenny @_kpenny]

accidentally full frontal flashed the mailman today. I should:

[kpenny @_kpenny]

a man chased me down in a parking lot to ask if he could take to dinner which would have been great had he not been 1) terrifying and 2) a republican

[kpenny @_kpenny]

are you in love with me?

[kpenny @_kpenny]

I looked cute in public today and not one person stopped to tell me they had fallen in love with me at first sight?? Seems suspicious but okay

[kpenny @_kpenny]

not me paying a seventy five dollar copay to get absolutely ROASTED by my dermatologist anyway if anyone needs me I’ll be getting bangs*

*botox. I am in decay

[kpenny @_kpenny]

13 Going on Thirty is a Halloween movie

[kpenny @_kpenny]

mullets are

[kpenny @_kpenny]

How do you know when you like someone? For me it’s when I catch myself thinking about them and then quietly whisper “oh no”

[kpenny @_kpenny]

online shopping is fun because they’re like “here it is on our model! Angélique is 5’11” with a 22 inch waist. Based on our size chart this skirt would fit..... halfway up your left thigh?” and we just have to be like yes, add to cart, existence is pain but at least it’s on sale

[kpenny @_kpenny]

Can we just skip to the part when we have the new Lorde album and it’s safe to hug people again?

[kpenny @_kpenny]

I’ve reached the Pop Punk phase of this pandemic. Jeans? Neon. Angst? High. Serotonin? To the moon.

[kpenny @_kpenny]

does it take you four days to get up the nerve to make a phone call or were you born before 1992?

[kpenny @_kpenny]

I’m tired of masquerading as a cool girl who doesn’t require near constant validation; somebody tell me I’m pretty and hold my hand, damn

[kpenny @_kpenny]

don’t mind me I’m going to watch a couple romantic comedies and HURT my own FEELINGS

[kpenny @_kpenny]

Ozark but in every episode at least one character is replaced with Michael Cera reprising his role as George Michael Bluth

[kpenny @_kpenny]

emotional state: crying while watching a tiny desk concert

[kpenny @_kpenny]

this could be us but you’re social distancing