lespi

[The Golden Ratio @TheGoldenRatio4]

Trying desperately to make new friends

[fka brecht apologist @_madisontayt]

sitting in my stoop in bedstuy and and trying to eat some of this vegan ube ice cream i just developed while i wait for this european man to send me an uber to williamsburg for our date but my roommate just moved out and she took all the spoons because she technically owns them

[The Golden Ratio @TheGoldenRatio4]

Monday is the day for boops!

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

A sixth beret has hit John Travolta’s head

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Begging my wife for more beret money

[lespi @_lespi_]

@beefington420 This reminds me of being like 18 and my first experience of a lychee was getting some random cocktail on a cruise that was basically a glass of champagne with a lychee in it and I’ve been so traumatised I haven’t eaten lychee since

[lespi @_lespi_]

@nebulalawrence @andytaylorjoy Stirred up a lot of teenage girl feelings and memories of boys at school being really confused why girls also enjoyed watching Jackass 😂

[lespi @_lespi_]

@jenrunswithdogs I just watched this on a flight and had a blast

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

I love when people fall out laughing.
I love how much we can’t control ourselves in this moment. It’s one of my favorite feelings.
Re-telling this story would not do it justice. This is really a "You had to be there" moment. Lol

[lespi @_lespi_]

@ghayo0da @Bigsharkeffect “Eat a rare steak 3 times a week”

[lespi @_lespi_]

@AoifeLora @TheGoldenRatio4 @BrazilianBrody Today I learned you ran that account 🤯

[lespi @_lespi_]

@Mericamemed @jengolbeck what shark movie is this and is Ingo still awake?

[Sama Hoole @SamaHoole]

Keith the Apocalypse Bringer is a three-year-old Anglo-Nubian goat in a field in Devon.

Keith should not be underestimated.

Keith has been systematically dismantling the ecosystem since approximately 7am, when he ate a bramble. This is significant because bramble is an invasive scrub species that outcompetes wildflowers, reduces biodiversity, and creates dense monoculture thicket that nothing else can use.

Keith ate it. Keith does this every day. Keith does not charge for this service.

8:15am - Keith ate a thistle. Thistles are also considered invasive scrub in managed pasture. Goldfinches eat thistle seeds, but Keith's grazing will ensure the pasture remains open enough for the ground-nesting birds that can't use dense scrub. Keith has not attended a conservation workshop. Keith arrived at this conclusion by being a goat.

9:00am - Keith dismantled a section of hedge. This was less helpful. Keith does not have a perfect record.

10:30am - Keith escaped the field. He was in the road for eleven minutes. He ate a neighbour's rose. This is not being counted in Keith's environmental impact assessment.

11:00am - Keith was returned to the field. Keith regarded the farmer with the specific expression of an animal that does not recognise the concept of property.

12:00pm - Keith ate more bramble. His digestive system: four stomachs, a rumen full of specialised microorganisms, the ability to extract nutrition from lignified plant matter that would defeat any other animal on this field, is converting scrub vegetation into milk with a fat content of approximately 4.5%. The milk will become cheese. The cheese will be sold at the farm shop. The farm shop is four miles away. The cheese food miles are: four.

3:00pm - Keith produced manure. The manure will grow the grass. The grass will grow the bramble. The bramble will be eaten by Keith.

This system has no inputs.

It has been running since goats were domesticated approximately ten thousand years ago.

Keith is not aware he is saving the planet.

Keith is thinking about whether the fence on the north side has a weak point.

It does. Keith found it at 4:45pm.

Keith got out again.

[lespi @_lespi_]

@ruthdelioncourt @AlexAndBooks_ @PetreRaleigh He enjoys being a hater and he excels at it 🤷‍♀️

[erin @ratsnotagain]

I’m decentering olives, actually

[lespi @_lespi_]

@chrisdguise Worked with a German guy who didn’t know much of The Simpsons and we used to make him say “don’t make me run, I’m full of chocolate” in his accent and laugh at him

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

Celine Dion has come out in support of farmers by removing all the consonants from her name.

[Nature Unedited @NatureUnedited]

Baby raccoons trying to walk a fence on a very windy day 🦝