momma

life is a simulation

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

I honest to god am the funniest bitch alive so y’all the ones missin out really

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

I want so badly to be a cute 70s house wife like Kitty Forman

But I need a fucking lobotomy

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Don’t get me wrong, my fiance is a freaking smoke show any day of the week, however right after I cut his hair and beard 😍🥰🤤🤤🥰😍🤤😍🥰🫶🏻🤤🫶🏻🥰😍🫶🏻🫶🏻🤤🥰🤤🫶🏻😍🤤🫶🏻

Good freaking hell let me have a million of your babies pls 😍🤤

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

literally driving off a cliff >>>listening to someones shitty ass sounding system in their car from your car

the bumper about to rattle right off my guy pls turn it off

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Watching these Barbie movies w mazi giving me unrealistic expectations.

Cause now I want Ant to build me a whole walk in closet with AI to tell me if my fit is a hit or not

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Good lord the smell of freshly baked banana bread as I’m walking into my grandmas house will ALWAYS be my number 1 favorite thing on the planet

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

I just got one thing to say.

Fck Homelander.

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Please Lord don’t just rain, but pour blessings on the people I love tonight.

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Being interrupted or talked over while I’m talking is my BIGGEST pet peeve… tbh like let me just shut the fuck up forever

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Told my boss Mama was graduating then I was gonna go in and he told me to take the day with her…

Consistently knowing I have the coolest boss on earth but also.. is he enabling me and my time off? 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

This is sappy but I have the all time greatest best friend to walk the planet and I don’t care who thinks they have a better one, I’ll one up you by a billion.

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Tbh the fact that every single person in safford thinks bringing a Panda Express here will solve some weird Safford starvation drives me absolutely nuts

WE DONT NEED MORE DRIVE THRUS

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

@AnneMichelleeee 😭🥰 love you boo 🫶🏻

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Waiting for my future husband to get home from painting, jamming out with my kids getting ready for a weekend vacation and I’m crying.. but only because I genuinely never thought happiness like this was meant for me

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Consistently reminding my children how goddamn beautiful they are is my favorite part of being a mom 😍🥰

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Some days are honestly phenomenal and others are quite literally unbearable

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

My grandmother is so sweet trying to tell me I’m not insane… blessing gma 🫶🏻

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Watching my fiance be good at literally everything is both so infuriating and so sexy all at the same time. I’m so in love it’s gross

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Me watching my man rescue a bee w no wings for the millionth time

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

The way that SVU has me thinking I could be a detective knowing full well I cry when anyone even changes tone of voice w me is wild

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

@michalvidales It was my moms fave when I was little so I’ve seen a lot just not all the way through idk why I didn’t start it sooner! 😭

[momma @_lex_a_saurus]

Got a whole new love for Ice T since I started watching svu he’s the freaking mannnnn