i genuinely believe life is just about finding what places and types of people are for you. i felt like an outsider for 22 years. this is the first time in my life where iโve felt like iโm not an outsider bc the values i have & the energy i have match the ppl around me. finally
I donโt want to be liked just because Iโm pretty. thatโs so surface level. You gotta like me for my mind and heart. thats very beautiful! to know me is to love me
Instead of developing a sense of self, playing, being curious, and learning about our emotional world, from a young age our focus had to be:
-being hypervigilant (noticing shifts in facial expressions and voice to avoid abuse of violence)
When we consistently experience intense, stressful, and overwhelming environments as children, our sole focus becomes survival.
Or, keeping ourselves safe.
Our development can stop prematurely when we're raised in homes with:
- addiction
- unsafe, chaotic, unpredictable environments
- chronically stressed/workaholic parents
- parents who are numb, shut down, repressed
-the ability of our parents to attune to our emotions as children (notice, understand, and help us make sense of what we're feeling
We need: safe, secure, mature adults to help us fully emotionally develop.
How we develop will depend on:
- the developmental age of our parent figures
- the emotional safety of the home we're raised in
- the ability of our parents to self regulate their own emotions