In psychotherapy that is genuinely transformative, there is a period when the patient may feel more lost than ever. They are relinquishing old ways of being and have not yet consolidated new ways
We are changing life patterns. There is no path from Point A to Point B that does not traverse the unknown
Real transformation occurs when patient and therapist can enter and embrace that unknown
But this is also the point where less experienced therapists get anxious and want to rush in with solutions—instead of accompanying the patient into the unknown and continuing the shared work of exploration
This is the point where therapists, in an effort to manage their own anxiety, can derail the successful work of therapy that led to this point
If the therapy duration is artificially limited in advance by a third party (clinic, agency, health insurer, etc), therapy can never reach this point. Therapist and patient know it’s not safe to venture there and instinctively pull back from the unknown
(This has serious implications for therapy outcome research. What is really the desired outcome for a specific individual and when can we measure it?)
Not all therapy is meant to be transformative in the sense I mean here. People come to therapy for many reasons. Sometimes relief from one specific, circumscribed symptom is all that’s needed or wanted. Sometimes, it’s surviving a crisis or weathering a storm. Sometimes, it is enough simply to be seen and known in our pain, and so feel less alone in the universe
But transformative psychotherapy aims to change something fundamental about ourselves—about who we are as a person. This means relinquishing familiar, well-worn life and relational patterns to discover, create, and experience something new and different
So we move from old patterns (Point A) toward new ones (Point B)—except we can have no concept of point B when we set out
We cannot have a concept, because it is something we have not experienced before
*This* is the psychotherapy path that crosses, that must cross, the unknown
Perhaps it is like ancient sailors setting out to sea in search of a new and distant land—but uncertain how far they might have to travel before they once again set foot on solid earth, or what they might find when they get there or, if it even exists
Tal vez a los gays les gusta molestar católicos porque son los que abusaron de ellos, los violentaron, discriminaron y así. Y el islam pues está muy lejos, oigan, como pa qué te vas a morir de una calentura ajena
Pero si ustedes quieren burlarse del islam, son libres de hacerlo.
A nuestros hermanos dominicanos en Puerto Rico y a los hermanos latinoamericanos en Estados Unidos, estamos con ustedes siempre. Ningún ser humano es ilegal.