mal

ehhhhh

[mal @_malwee]

Good morning a man just cat called me from inside of a dumpster

[mal @_malwee]

@AHZUH i’m sorry two over one!?!!!! can I talk to you outside for a second, fancy???

[mal @_malwee]

@ksheaokeeeey @danaaa_shae

[mal @_malwee]

if my mom ever developed munchausen's by proxy i'd be dead so fast. every time i'm home this woman puts vitamins in my hand and i take them without even asking what they are

[mal @_malwee]

@hannahkneuer It’s 9 am

[mal @_malwee]

@ksheaokeeeey @danaaa_shae

[bunkey @chiefkeefmidi]

i fucking hate this guy

[mal @_malwee]

@tkm11218 “I am an incredible smart person” go off king

[mal @_malwee]

@ksheaokeeeey @danaaa_shae

[Afro Smash @TheAfroSmash]

Got them doing mario party minigames

[mal @_malwee]

@ksheaokeeeey @danaaa_shae

[trish @ultragloss]

took an edible and started filming high school musical 3 like it was a concert

[mal @_malwee]

@ksheaokeeeey you’re so right

[mal @_malwee]

if i get hit with one of the targeted ads that i KNOW i am placing on the internet one more time i’m burning this place to the ground

[mal @_malwee]

@danaaa_shae @ksheaokeeeey

[jakey @nakeyjakey]

still one of the greatest images I have ever seen

[mal @_malwee]

wishing sincere apologies to the two girls in front of us at Jo bros on Saturday who clearly did not agree with our sentiment of “letting Kevin cook”

[mal @_malwee]

@tedcruzbully okay wow literally me whenever I look at my cat at any moment in time M-F

[mal @_malwee]

Ryan schulz just walked up behind me at the aquarium and goes “I hear these sharks are real PABs”

[mal @_malwee]

@AHZUH two weeks ago *some info redacted for his privacy

[mal @_malwee]

Seemingly all I tweet about is insane things Tom does but here’s todays entry: he broke into our own apartment by scaling a wall and breaking his own window to climb through when I could’ve just come home and let him in if he waited 20 minutes

[mal @_malwee]

@AHZUH fancy I should honestly start a separate twitter just about the chronicles of him being locked out

[mal @_malwee]

@danaaa_shae

[⚧︎ @FREAKYPRlNCESS]

this is what happens when i don’t have my dr pepper

[mal @_malwee]

I am in such disbelief over this and he doesn’t seem to find it strange at all

[mal @_malwee]

Tom’s motorcycle was stolen last night, the cops found it in a yard not far from us, and he just went and got it