Man On Fire

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I've heard stress can kill you so I've been taking on way more than I can handle lately.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

Twitter is the best way I've found to crush dreams and waste lives.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I hope my wife meets a guy while she's out tonight. Preferably one who can fix this fucking toilet.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I need a new relationship. The one I have now is getting monogamous.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

My artistic abilities are pretty much limited to a can spray cheese and some crackers.

[Mediocrites @bholejuice]

I love boobs of all shapes and sizes, but I am very specific about the size of my cereal bowl and spoon.

[Mediocrites @bholejuice]

With the noise my wife and kids are making, spending the night in jail is starting to look like a great idea.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I just realized my birthday suit has a hole in it.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

Hey chubby dudes rockin' tight polo shirts. Nope.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I would do OK with prison life...at least for the first couple of days until all the temporary tattoos washed off.

[Le Trav @TravLeBlanc]

Relationship Status: YOU WISH!!!

[Le Trav @TravLeBlanc]

Fucking with me will be your Waterloo. Or at very least, your retreat from Russia.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I would call people more often if phones had a fast forward button.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

Somebody needs to come up with some more cuss words.

[Beth @Laredo8307]

The only thing that I learned from Facebook is that my initial reaction of not liking those people in high school was spot on.

[Beth @Laredo8307]

Debating the benefits of a wearing a bib full time.

[Man On Fire @_manonfire]

I think I forgot to put 'breathing' on my to-do list this morning.