Melissa Ayers

meow

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

If I had the same amount of rabid, delusional confidence as the old white men in the TikTok congressional hearing, I would simply be unstoppable

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - people LOVE to hate the Super Bowl halftime show

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

@marymccurdy34 Same!!

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

Restaurant week is a scam

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

Can we please talk about the absolute glow-up Brussels sprouts have had in the last 5 years?

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

At this point my body composition is at least 78% Reese’s peanut butter cup

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

I’d like to point out that it’s never a WOMAN watching a video on full volume in a crowded area

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

@marymccurdy34 Finally

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

Pro tip: never pack a sweatshirt on vacation so you can buy a sweatshirt on vacation

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

They need to quit giving these viruses catchy / lighthearted nicknames. Coronavirus?? Cheers 🍻 Monkeypox?? Ok Tarzan 🐒

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

This is the same blacktop heat Tommy Pickles hallucinated in

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

You can have a million problems until you can’t breathe through your nose. Then you just have one.

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

Happy Prime Day to those that celebrate

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

I’ve decided I’m going to start asking adult men if they “work outside the home” just to ruffle their feathers a little

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

@brettheng @weirdlilguys Doppelgänger!!

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

Do you ever just look at someone and think, “I bet they play a lot of frisbee golf” ?

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

I’ve reached the point of the vacation where I only look at pictures and videos of my cat and sulk

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

People LOVE to call me Michelle

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

I’d like anyone that has ridden in my car within the last 5 years to know that I finally got my windshield fixed

[Melissa Ayers @_mellybear]

*becomes Golden State Warriors fan*