NinjaFlani🥷🏽

Skinny manz wit'blubber not thick skin🕴️|| Info Sec Enthusiast || Data Analyst 📊👨🏽‍💻 || @ChelseaFC💙 || Minimalist🌱 || Cycle-path🚴🏽‍♂️🙂‍↔️

[Brian Mutiga @brian_mutiga]

William Ruto was elected to punish Kenyan voters for electing bad leaders.

He's not in office to bring development but to show Kenyans what incompetent, clueless & corrupt president can do when given an opportunity to lead.

[CPA Wachira Joseph @WashiraX]

KRA wants a share of dowry money.

There is a guy called Kamau.

When it was time to buy his wife, he mobilized his most monied buddies.

He put them in a WhatsApp group. The fundraising began.

Those boys were loaded. They were only 35.
By by the time they were done, they had contributed 4.5 million shillings.

Others who were not in the group wired money directly to Kamau's bank account.

The ruracio D-Day arrived.

And as always, the one and only Kikuyu ruracio anthem was tuned.

🎶 Wero... Werokamu guku kwa wa Kanini... Werokamu... 🎶

Before they could finish the song, more than 2,000 people had pulled up.

Wakaanza kutoa funjo. Then one man stood on a stool and announced they could not sit until they had given Kamau top up money to add to the dowry.

The donation book was hurriedly brought. People lined up. Cash started flowing.

By the end of the day, another 2.8 million shillings had been raised.

Kamau took the money and banked it.

Total dowry contribution sitting at his bank account: 8m shillings.

The ceremony became the talk of Gatundu South.

Kamau paid his dowry. Collected his wife. And went home peacefully.

• Lesson 1. Monied friends are good for paying dowry.

I have no clue how. But sometime later, Kamau was marked for a KRA tax audit.

KRA went straight for his bank statements. They found deposits of 8 million shillings.

Immediately, they baptized the entire amount as undeclared taxable income.

Then demanded: 30% income tax. Penalties plus interest.

Total bill: 2.5 million shillings plus.

When Kamau saw the tax bill, he went mad.
He could try to talk but words would not come out. He nearly swallowed his tongue.

When he came back to real life. He shipped a protest letter to KRA.

He explained the money was dowry contribution from his family, friends and well wishers.

- He produced WhatsApp group fundraising screenshots.
- He produced RTGS confirmations.
- He produced the donation book.
- He even produced videos of the ceremony.

Including footage of the Werokamu song.

KRA could not hear any of it. They only wanted 2.5 million.

When Kamau realized KRA was not playing, he ran to court.

He told the Tribunal:

- My lord, look. I have shown KRA where the money came from.
- I have shown KRA who contributed it.
- I have shown KRA the ceremony.
- What more do they want from me?

KRA responded.
And what they said nearly made the judges fall off their chairs.

They argued the evidence was not convincing.

Why?

• Because the 2,000 plus donors had not sworn affidavits confirming that the money they gave was a donation and not payment for goods or services.

The Tribunal looked at the matter in amusement.

Then ruled.

- Kamau had discharged his burden of proof in full.
- KRA had acted unreasonably by ignoring and disregarding the substantial evidence he provided.
- And most importantly: Income tax is a tax on income. It is not a tax on every deposit appearing in a bank account.

The Tribunal found that KRA was wrong to treat all bank deposits as taxable income without first removing proven non income items such as dowry contributions.

The tax demand was killed.

Kamau won.

KRA retreated to Times Tower. And rested.

Case closed.

• Lesson 2.

- Document everything.

- KRA will push. Push hard.

[Cerebral Assassin @xysist]

Always thought my Sony WH 1000 XM5 had the best noise cancellation- until PSG changed my mind.

[BRAVIN YURI @BravinYuri]

There's a Kenyan legend who travelled all the way to hatewatch the Arsenal match against PSG. He is a Chelsea fan and the brotherhood is happy. Congratulations PSG once again.

As I was saying, back to the fuel hike.

[Ｉａｎ🛸 @1Kangogo]

A wise principal would let watoi wawatch UCL final! We don't want news tomorrow...

[Lema @LemayianLeiyan]

Heshima idumu 😂😂

[Mwai, MBS. @IanJamesMwaiK]

Correction: Paying taxes in Kenya is actually funding criminal activities.

[NTV Kenya @ntvkenya]

Cornelius Chepsoi, RIG chairman: Wanatuletea mafuta chafu alafu wanatuuzia bei ya juu. Matatu owners will withdraw their services until fuel prices are lowered

[The Kenyan Vigilante @KenyanSays]

" Stop fighting imaginary wars and explain to kenyans why Fuel is expensive "- Pastor John CW!

[Assweto🍷🍾❤️ @Asswetooo]

Listen to Ruto's solution to high fuel prices in 2022. He needs to advise our current president 😅#RejectFuelPrices

[Yator Boss☚ @Bossyator]

2021 whe fuel prices hit 148bob, Murkomen, Langat, Kindiki and Co were loud asking Uhuru Kenyatta to take responsibility. Today, fuel is at 244bob & they're so quiet. Wajinga ni sisi.

[Mohamed Wehliye, MBS @WehliyeMohamed]

Fuel was cheaper when it was cleaner!

[Nabi-나비 @ashleyminghao]

Life without academic stress:

[Kim Heller @kimheller3]

Kenya needs a new President - they deserve better than William Ruto

[vids that go hard @vidsthatgohard]

Having Pops watch over the main cast from heaven is a genius way to start the reboot

[Forza Horizon @ForzaHorizon]

Your road trip across Japan begins in 6 days.

[James @MrJamesKe]

The Kenyan voter is often emotional during campaigns and logical after elections.

[Kerry 🇰🇪 @kerubo_hillary]

You keep learning more Excel features every day… I’m convinced Excel is more of a “you’ll never be done learning me” situation 😭

[Yator Boss☚ @Bossyator]

Once the KDZ number plate series runs out, we will have very good number plates on our roads like KEG 500L.

[blue @bluewmist]

YOU MUST LEARN TO ENJOY LIFE WITHOUT NEEDING AN AUDIENCE TO SEE THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING LIFE