Raaaaaaaandy

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

I probably watch this once a week, it just makes me happy.

[The Based Messiah @bniceloco]

This is still the smoothest flex of all time and it’s not even close https://t.co/jlTm7NgQ97

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

🎵how can I be homophobic
My boyfriend’s gay🎵

[mousey ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ @HIBlSCUS]

remember to leave out milk and cookies for george bush tonight ❤️

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

wikipedia: please. please just give me one dollar i'm begging you give me anything

me: [trying to look up the hamburglar's full name] shut the fuck up

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

Just kiddingggggg everyone young reading this college is good or whatever

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

I think that everyone at every institution who strongly encouraged me to take on massive debt to attain a college degree at 18 should be incarcerated for entrapment.

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t take it back and I love the relationships that came from it. But having children sign documents for such a crazy commitment when the biggest focus was, “how can I make people think I’m cool?” is criminal. #lockthemup #allofthem #exceptmommyanddaddy

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

I’m pretty sure millennials and gen z have completely wiped out “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” as a reasonable argument. Parents know that a lot of us are ready to do that with no friends involved at all.

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

Siri will getting in shape make hangovers less harsh no don’t tweet that no stop ah fu

[coolgirlonline @coolgirl0nline]

if i dont have a yummy treat every couple of hours my condition worsens

[Collie Tyrrell @columtyrrell]

People need to stop standing up for what they believe in. It’s embarrassing. Do heroin and enjoy the snow.

[Nik Oldershaw @mothmannews]

Every stupid analogy Jordan Peterson made on Rogan would actually crush if a Def Jam comic said it

"Chickens think they're tight with the farmer until that motherfucker wants an 8 piece bucket!"

[sopranos out of context @oocsopranos]

me to myself in the mirror before i take my prozac

[trapdog @computer_screen]

Love the sopranos

[Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby]

It’s so fucked up that eating vegetables and not doing drugs makes ur body feel good

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

Almond milk sucks.

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

#ProLifeHack: listen to the 2 Fast 2 Furious soundtrack in your factory settings Honda real loud with the windows down and you’ll feel 5% happier.

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

“Yeah I think Disney obsessed adults are a little troubling and they’re just trying to fill a void with nostalgia.”

30 minutes later, un-ironically listening to my chemical romance in my car and nodding my head: “yeah, f you DAD”

[Raaaaaaaandy @_raaaaaaaandy]

I just found out that Jordan Belfort, aka the real wolf of Wall Street, just got a puppy that’s the same breed as my dog and gave her THE SAME NAME. Text alerts have been turned off, thank you for respecting my space as I reflect and recover.